Jon Kreft was listed as one of the top 30 basketball players in the nation out of the 2006 high school class. His name was right there with guys like Kevin Durant, Greg Oden, Ty Lawson, Thaddeus Young and several others that were top draft picks in the NBA. But this guy’s path didn’t quite go as planned. His plan of playing for a major college, getting drafted and playing in the NBA turned into spending a year in the Broward County jail in Florida. He had so much talent, so much height and strength, a five star status, but he started breaking team rules, facing frequent game suspensions, and then eventually found himself handcuffed in the back of a police car, after being arrested for possession of cocaine and marijuana. All that talent, all the hype, his scholarship to Florida State, all his dreams ... down the drain. But, not so fast, Jon Kreft, says it’s that experience that has shaped him into the man he is today.
Kreft sat in that jail and realized something had to change; he couldn’t let his life amount to nothing. While he was in jail, he got a call from Greg Heiar, who was the head coach at Chipola Junior College, in Marianna, Florida at the time. Heiar told Kreft that Chipola wanted him, but things were going to change. He would be required to check in with the coach daily with no exceptions. He was to attend every single class, take notes, take part in classroom discussions and achieve great grades…..average wouldn’t cut it. He would have absolutely no involvement with drugs, alcohol or any kind of illegal substance. Also, he would do things Heiar’s way on the basketball court. No more showing off, but he would learn how to play team ball, and if he didn’t …..he’d be asked to leave. Kreft jumped at the opportunity and ended up turning around his life at Chipola. Kreft formed a deep connection with Heiar, as he became his accountability partner.
Kreft ended up being a great player at Chipola and a great student. His determination and hard work paid off, as he was offered another scholarship at Florida State, where he has played the last two years as a key player off the bench. Kreft says if it had not been for Greg Heiar believing in him and giving him a second chance, he would probably be back in prison, or possibly even dead.
Kreft’s story reminds me so much of the Apostle Paul’s story told in Acts 9. Paul (Saul at the time) had been living a life of persecuting Christians for their faith. That was before he was blinded by a light on his way to Damascus. His life was turned upside down. He now had a calling from the Lord, to take up the very cause he had been persecuting people. People from both sides now didn't trust him. Even the disciples didn't believe he was telling the truth and they were afraid of him. But Saul had a man named Barnabas stand up for him.
Acts 9:27 says: “But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus.”
This was the beginning of a powerful mentoring relationship that existed between Paul and Barnabas. Barnabas became Paul’s defender, motivator, encourager, and friend. Although, they later had a conflict over who to take with them on a missionary journey, it doesn’t take away from the fact that in a lot of ways, Paul wouldn’t have become the man he did, if God had not placed Barnabas in his life.
Paul and Jon Kreft both had to deal with naysayers and doubters. Having to deal with people refer to you as a hypocrite and murderer or a druggie and a waste of talent. Luckily these guys both had men who saw something in them, who invested their lives in these men, didn't give up on them, and helped these men achieve lives worthy of living.
What are YOU doing to help mentor someone today?
Anyone who has read my blogs regularly know about my relationship with Jeremy. Jeremy and I met at the Franklin County Courthouse, where he was on probation for simple assault. Jeremy was living in a tent under a bridge just behind the courthouse. His older brother, uncle, and grandfather were all in prison. His relationship with his dad barely existed. I befriended Jeremy, and after a period of time, allowed him to come live in my home. Several ground rules were set. No drugs, no alcohol, and get a job. It's now been almost eight months since he moved in. Jeremy has been working as a busboy at a nearby hamburger restaurant. He is 100% drug and alcohol free. In fact, this past Sunday, May 19th, marked the one year anniversary of him being drug free! That is a major accomplishment, in which we should all applaud! Together, we've set up goals such as getting his high school G.E.D. Things are not perfect, but Jeremy has come a long way since the day I first met him! He has grown, and I have grown as a result as well. We have been going to church together on a weekly basis. We are both growing spiritually. Several times, Jeremy has shared with me the same thoughts that Kreft shared, "Mark, if it weren't for the help you've given, I'd either be in jail or dead!" And each time, I give praise to the Lord and Heaven above that we were able to connect with each other!
Not everyone is in a situation where they can take someone in to their home and life to the degree that I have with Jeremy. But everyone can and should invest time in another person's life. Who do you know that needs help? Can't think of anyone? Pray for God to open your eyes and heart, and He will show you! The eternal rewards will be out of this world!!!
The following post is copied from a Notes Post I did on Facebook on February 12, 2012:
Growing up between Jefferson and Middletown (MD) made me who I am today. Yes, I live in Ohio, but I am a Fredneck! I drive a Ford pickup truck, I slow down when I see tractors, and still love driving in the country just to get a whiff of fresh manure. But you don't have to take my word for it. I still have scars from where I used to ride my bike down Cherry Lane and Poole Road when they were both still gravel roads. I still have dreams of walking into Arnetts Market, buying a pack of baseball cards, and being so happy and surprised to find out there were no cards inside, but instead a foldable poster of Brooks Robinson! I will never forget the Braddock Roller Rink, or Skatehaven! I remember the "get-togethers" on Shank Road. I remember when the new Fredericktowne Mall first opened, and spending all my spare time and change playing pinball games at the arcade next to the movie theaters. I remember the first pair of Levi's jeans I was able to get from Country Legend! I remember spending hours and hours at Waxie Maxie's, waiting to buy the newest music when it was first released! I remember playing Little League Baseball at the Amvets Field in Middletown (Go Indians!)
I remember going fishing just under a bridge on Sumantown Road, and a car drove over the bridge and threw a bag of newborn cats into the creek. Chris Remsburg and I still refer to that as going fishing for catfish. (Yes, we did rescue the cats, drove them to a vet ... 1 died right away, his family took 1 or 2 of them, and the others were given to other people). I remember very well the 24 hour skate-a-thons at Skatehaven to raise money for the Heart Association. I remember listening to Kemosabi Joe on the radio ... Z-104 (and before that, known as 14-ZYQ!) Also listened to Tommy (the Great Grundune) Grundwell on WFMD. I remember Kemo's legendary line at Skatehaven where he would welcome everyone to "Skaaaaaaatehaaaaaaaaaaven!" I remember Tommy Grundwell on the radio saying he would give away 4 free tickets to a tractor pull or something to the 10th caller, then playing a song, and about 45 seconds into the song, he would interrupt the song and scream into his microphone, "We have a winner, we have a winner, okay people, stop calling, we have a winner!" I remember the "Christmas Cash for Kids" when it was still broadcast from the center of Frederick Towne Mall.
I remember getting my first drivers license at a fire station behind the old minor league baseball stadium. I still remember the Jefferson Bicentennial celebrations in 1974. I am pretty sure that somewhere I still have one of the wooden nickles they used to give out back then. I remember, as a 10 year old, chasing little girls with garden snakes I would find in the drain underneath Route 340 in Jefferson. I remember shooting my younger sister in the butt with a bb gun! I remember having Mr Wasniewski as a teacher in 5th and 6th grades, then being so excited to find out he was transferring to the new Middletown Middle School when it first opened when I went into 7th grade! I remember a woman who was the vice principal of MMS (although I don't remember her name) who looked just like Daffy Duck. I remember getting into big trouble in 8th grade homeroom for sticking a thumbtac on Mr Hubbs' chair. I remember Ron Brigerman and I sitting next to each other in Miss D'Angelo's English class and getting sent to the vice principal's office once a week! I remember Fair Friday, when all schools were closed so we could all go to the Frederick County Fair! And the Jefferson and Middletown Carnivals! The smell of fresh country ham! I remember going to Ocean City for a week with Kenny Kotchenreuther during the summer after I graduated. I remember having Mr. Pritts as a principal at Valley Elementary, and all the paddlings I received from him. I remember the summer between my freshman and sophomore years, taking a 4 week cross country trip and seeing most of America! I remember in 7th grade, going to one of Sharon Guyton's parties, and having a crush on her for at least 2 or 3 more years! I remember thinking of her each night as I looked at the Farrah Fawcett poster on my bedroom wall! I remember the huge trouble I got into after that party, because Andy Billotti's mom was late in picking us up and taking us home, and I didn't think to call my Mom to tell her I'd be late.
I remember, before living on Cherry Lane, living in a trailer behind Sonny Holter's farm on Holter Road. I remember ice skating on the pond next to the trailer. I remember when I was old enough to drive, going to Gapland Road and putting my car in neutral to see if my car would really coast uphill. I remember sitting in Mr. Clark's office (our principal) our senior year, the fire alarm going off, and following him into the secretary's office and hitting the alarm panel because there had been so many false alarms. I remember someone walking into that office, whispering into his ear, and him screaming at everyone in the office to get the hell out of there immediately ... all because a classmate Tony Lewis had blown up the science lab performing a science experiment.
I remember my Kindergarden teacher, Mrs. Grove, and how much I loved nap time! I remember in 6th grade, our whole class going to Camp Greentop for a week to learn more about nature and science. Same thing in 8th grade, at Mar-Lu-Ridge! I remember telling my mom that a pair of my jeans were too short, and asking her to make them into shorts for me. I remember her cutting the wrong pair, and when she found out, she sewed the legs back on and forced me to wear them to school the next day ... those types of weird clothing weren't as normal as they are now, and peer ridicule was pretty rough back then! I remember going with my Father to several of the 1979 World Series Games, and feeling like I was at Disney World!
So with all these memories, why did I ever want to leave the Valley? Perhaps it started when I went on that cross country trip and got to see parts of the rest of America. Perhaps it happened when I went to Atlanta for a VICA club convention, then spent a week with my Dad in Atlanta, and saw how others lived. Perhaps it happened after I graduated and got sent to North Dakota in the Air Force. No matter where it started, sometime, somewhere, I began a craving to get out and explore. And that, I did. I moved to Georgia, and Florida, and Texas, and now, for the past ten years, Ohio. I have been searching most of my life for something, but not sure what. No matter how long I look, I'm not sure I'll ever find it. For a while, I thought it was simply warmer weather. Atlanta wasn't warm enough, so I moved to Florida. Florida was too humid, so I moved further North. I lived in Austin, Texas, and loved the weather, yet could never find my niche in that town. Outside of Maryland, I have found myself most comfortable in Ohio. But even now, after being gone so long, I find myself wanting to return to where I grew up and became who I am today.
Some people may say I am searching for God, but that's not it. I "found" God when I was in Georgia, or should I say, He found me. He was never lost, I was. But even as a Christian, I still find myself not liking myself a lot, much less finding others that liked me. When I was in Middletown, I thought not one person on earth would ever miss me if I was gone ... yet, I was wrong. It's just taken my almost 30 years to realize that.
Yes, I graduated high school nearly 30 years ago, as painful as that is to admit. In October, we will be holding our 30th class reunion. For the first time in my life, I look forward to, and plan on attending a class reunion. I don't have to worry about impressing others, or worrying about my "bald spot", because I now see that Andy Billotti has even less hair than me! Not only is Andy bald, but so is Ron Brigerman, and so is Chris Remsburg! And for that, I am extremely thankful!
My parents are getting older, and some of my former classmates are passing away. As each day passes now, I no longer wonder what else is out there, I wonder what it would be like to go HOME!
Don't get me wrong ... even if I wind up back in Maryland, which I am sure that one day I will, Ohio will always have an extremely large part of my heart! It was because of Ohio that I was able to stop running, and begin to start opening my eyes. It was because of special people in Ohio that were able to accept me, love me unconditionally, and help me realize what a jerk I've actually been most of my life! And Ohio, sweet Ohio ... a sports lovers dream come true! When I was still living in Texas, I made a list of pros and cons before deciding to make the move to Columbus. Couldn't think of many cons at all. One of the biggest pros was this ... Columbus has The Ohio State Buckeyes! Columbus is only 2 hours from Cleveland, 2 hours from Cincinatti, 3 hours from Indy and Detroit ... the fact that it is only 3 hours from Pittsburgh was able to be overlooked. Obviously, since I was in Texas at the time, Columbus being only 6 hours from the Valley was a huge plus as well! I could be much closer, without forcing myself back into a town that I still thought I might be considered a failure. What changed? Facebook. I signed up for my 1st Facebook account back in 2004. And since then, I have been reunited with former classmates that I haven't been in touch with since graduating high school. I now see that all my former female classmates are now more beautiful than ever! I see that all my former male classmates are fatter and balder! Knowing that I can now go to a class reunion and be the best looking guy there has done wonders for my self esteem!
The above picture was taken of a child at the Cedar Point amusement park near Sandusky, Ohio. He was so excited, because he was able to meet his hero, Brutus Buckeye (the mascot of The Ohio State University Buckeyes). Thumbs up, peace sign, and just a look of such joy on this boy's face! Isn't it great!
But this got me thinking ... first of all, does this boy and his family go to church? And if so, what type of look does he have on his face when he walks through the doors of the church? Does he show the same excitement? Does he have posters of Jesus on the walls of his bedroom? If Jesus were to return today, what look would be on this boys face?
I am guessing this boy to be about five or six years old, give or take a couple of years either way. How did this boy become so excited about Brutus Buckeye? Chances are, he wasn't born in Michigan, and chances are that someone close to him, most likely a parent, is a Buckeye fan and shared that love for The Ohio State Buckeyes with the child.
Are we showing our own children love and excitement for Jesus? Are we reading them the Bible, and are we telling them just how great Jesus is? Not only are we telling them, but are we showing them through example? If not, my question for you is simple ... WHY NOT?
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." ... Proverbs 22:6 (KJV).
I am definitely no expert on raising children. I've worked with youth groups before, but it's not the same as being a parent.
Allow me to share an illustration for you. About 20 something years ago, I was the teacher of a 5th grade Royal Ambassadors class in a Baptist Church in Georgia. I had 24 boys in that class. The backgrounds on those kids varied, but I was able to split the boys (in my mind) by breaking them into 3 groups. It turns out that out of the 24, eight of them went to public schools. Eight of them went to a Christian school. And the final eight were homeschooled. The behavior of the 8 from public schools were all very similar to one another. The Christian school kids were still a handful, but had a little bit better of a behavior pattern. But what amazed me the most was the fact that the eight homeschooled children were the easiest to teach and were not disruptive in any manner whatsoever. I am not sharing this to promote homeschooling your children. That is not what I got out of it. What I DID get out of it was the fact that the homeschooled kids in that group spent a TON of time with their parents, both with their moms AND their dads! The lesson I learned from the experience is that to raise a child correctly, they MUST have parents that will spend time with them in a positive environment.
I'd also like to share one more story which occurred just a few weeks ago. I got out of my car in the parking lot of Cypress Wesleyan Church in Galloway, Ohio. I was walking towards the door when I noticed a lady (who appeared to be the mom), along with a girl who appeared to be about the same age as the boy pictured above, so my guess is 5 or 6 years old. They were walking hand in hand, when the girl looked up at the mom and said, "Mommy, I can't wait to learn more about Jesus today!" The girl started skipping, broke free from her mom and took off running for the doors to the church! That girl was definitely excited about Jesus! To this, I want to thank Cypress Wesleyan Church, Kathy George, the Director of Children's Ministries, and all the volunteers that help share that type of excitement about Jesus with these children!
Perhaps you are on fire for Jesus, but are single, or maybe even married, but don't have children of your own. I encourage you to ask at church if there are opportunities to work with the children. Share the love of Jesus! Or perhaps you may not be called to serve in this manner. Do you love sports? If so, volunteer to be a local little league coach, or Boy Scout / Girl Scout leader. Find something you love, spend time with children, and let them see the Lord's love through you!
We are all in this together, folks! We can spend every minute of every day praying for our younger generations, but God isn't going to hear our requests unless we get into action and do something about it!
At the time of this writing, I am 48 years young. I have had my share of broken relationships in my life. But none of them have been as severe and lasted as long as had the broken relationship between my Dad and I. My parents divorced when I was about a year old. Growing up, I would only see my Dad once a year, and that was for a week (or two) during summer vacation. We lived over 600 miles apart, so seeing each other more often was not very feasible.
When I was twenty years old, I made a decision to move to Georgia full time to be closer to my Dad and to attempt to establish a relationship with him. It went well for the first few months, but then it all blew up in my face. I am not pointing any blame, except at myself. I can say this though ... one of our constant struggles is that although we did not grow up together, we were wayyyyy too much alike. And that drove us both crazy! At one point during that time period, I got into some very serious trouble. My Dad told me then, "You are my son by birth only, and not by relationship." Those words haunt me still to this day. After a period of time, I moved away from Georgia, and had no more contact with my Dad at all. Almost 15 years later, when I was in my mid 30's in age, I was transferred with my job back to Georgia, and lived about 45 minutes away from him. I tried several times to contact him to attempt to join together for a lunch. Each time, he claimed he was too busy. I finally stopped trying. In 2005, a good friend of mine (Chris) and I were in Atlanta for our annual "Away Browns Game" ... we were to spend the weekend going to an Atlanta Falcons vs Cleveland Browns game, and had tickets to an Atlanta Hawks basketball game, and an Atlanta Thrashers hockey game. At the strong urging of Chris, I called my Dad. I asked him if he wanted to go out to eat. He said he had no interest and hung up. It's okay, I reasoned, because I tried. But about 20 minutes later, my stepmother called me back and asked us to meet both of them at a BBQ restaurant ten minutes from their house. Once we arrived, my stepmother explained to us that the reason he finally agreed is because his health has been declining, and he might not ever have another chance. After that, we stayed in contact to a degree, which means about once a month or so. It was better than nothing, and I was content with that. It appeared he was as well. But after about two years of that, I made a comment on my Facebook that offended him, so he blocked me and we have had no further contact with one another. (The comment had to do a University of Michigan slang term!) My Dad has not spent much time with me since I was 21 years old. All he has of me are the memories of a self centered rotten kid. All I want him to do is be able to take a look at who I've become since, and I'm sure he would be proud. But honestly, I don't even know if he's still alive! During that dinner at the BBQ restaurant, my stepmother told us that if his health declined even worse and he were to pass away, he was leaving instructions to the rest of the family to not let me know. I pray for him daily. I even check the obituaries online once in awhile. I seek to restore this broken relationship because Jesus first reconciled us to God. When I pursue a broken relationship, my focus should be on the other person and what we need to do – instead of what they did and what they need to do to make it right. This principle of reaping and sowing creates reciprocity in a relationship.
We become planters of peace in our relationships when we intentionally function from a peace-centered perspective. We are peace-makers because we worship the greater Peace-maker. The Bible promises that those who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness (James. 3:18). This is exactly what Jesus did – by peacefully submitting to the will of His Father – going to the cross – and providing us with His righteousness.
Please keep us both in your prayers. Pray that Christ banish any and all barriers that may be set up to keep reconciliation from occurring.
Mark Beavers, left, and his Dad, right (November, 2005)
Members of the military. Police Officers. Firefighters. Moms. Dads. Teachers. Those are just a few examples of heroes.
A professor at Virginia Tech was killed while holding the classroom door shut so his students could crawl out a window. Danny Nash was a church deacon who ran into a burning nursing home in Tennessee trying to save lives and was killed as a result. A man in Miami, FL was killed during a home invasion while protecting his 11 year old daughter. A girl was kidnapped from a playground in a trailer park in New Mexico. A witness did not waste any time at all to jump into his truck and chase the abductor down. As a result, a convicted pedophile is back in prison. These are just a few examples of heroes.
In our society, being a hero and being an idol are often confused. There are people in my life that I admire, yet I don't call them heroes. NFL players or other pro sports players might be good role models, yet they are not in the category of heroes. Personally, I admire players who are not afraid of sharing their Christian testimony, but only because they are in the public eye, so people will listen to what they have to say.
My definition of hero is this: "One who sacrifices or risks their own life or well being in order to put others' needs ahead of themselves."
Ryan Beavers, West York (PA) Fire Department
I have a nephew in York, Pennsylvania who is a volunteer firefighter. He has risked his life going into burning buildings in order to try to save others. Or perhaps will pull a passenger from a car just moments before the car explodes or catches fire. Ryan, to me, you are a hero!
During the attacks on 9/11, we as a nation witnessed thousands of heroic acts. Police, firefighters, doctors, total strangers, all coming together as one risking their lives to save others. Heroes, heroes, heroes!
With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river!" The congregation nodded their approval.
With even greater emphasis he added, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river, too!" . The people clapped and were saying "Amen."
And then finally, he concluded, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river!"
As he sat down, the song leader then stood up quite cautiously and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: "Shall We Gather at the River."
Drinking alcohol ... is it a sin???
The Bible says that "wine is a mocker, intoxicating drink arouses brawling" (Proverbs 20:1). The Bible also says, "Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbor, pressing him to your bottle, even to make him drunk" (Habakkuk 2:15).
The Bible does not say that drinking a glass of wine or beer, or a cocktail with dinner, is a sin. Drunkenness is a sin, forbidden by the Bible, but having one drink may not be wrong.
Throughout my life, I have drank alcohol, yet rarely in excess. I would drink one glass or can of Bud Lite while watching a football game, perhaps. A twelve pack of alcohol in my refrigerator would usually last me about six months. I usually preferred an ice cold glass of Coke or Mountain Dew! In my younger days, I drank to the point of being completely drunk several times. After one of the occasions, a neighbor brought me my clothes a few days afterwards, telling me that I was dancing during an ice storm in the parking lot of the apartment complex, and stripped naked.
But when Jeremy moved in my house when he was 18 years old, I decided to no longer purchase any alcohol, and I will not drink when I'm in his presence. And since that seems to be just about all the time, I no longer drink any alcohol period. Why? Because the apostle Paul established a rule of conduct that I think is very good. He said he would not eat meat or drink wine or do anything else which would cause a weaker brother to stumble.
"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall." ... Romans 14:19-21
Although I have made the decision to not consume alcohol, it is because that is right for me at this point in my life. I do not see it as being a sin. My conduct should be governed by the law of love. If I love my brother, I will not cause him to stumble and be offended. I personally refrain from drinking alcohol for that reason.
So at what point does consuming alcohol become a sin?
If you are not of legal age. (Romans 13:1-7, Matthew 22:21)
If you fail to do so in moderation – meaning you should not get drunk or even “buzzed.” (1 Thessalonians 5:6-8, Galatians 5:21, Romans 12:1-3; 13:13)
If your consumption leads you to dependence upon it. (1 Timothy 3:8, Titus 2:3, Luke 21:34)
If doing so – in any way – leads others into sin. (Romans 14:21, 2 Corinthians 6:3, Matthew 13:41)
This weekend, Pastor Ken started his four week preaching series on the topic of "Applause." Today, we applauded all local graduates ... from preschool through college. Next weekend, we applaud all mothers, the following weekend volunteers, and the final weekend, we'll applaud members of the military who have died serving their country. As we applauded graduates today, Pastor Ken delved into the subject of Personal Growth. He illustrated how many people use marks on the wall or door to track the progress of growth of our children. From one day to the next, we may not see the growth, but when we look back months or years, the progress is very apparent. How am I doing in my spiritual growth? With tunnel vision, I really don't see any growth in me anytime recently. However, part of the reason for creating this blog page is so that I may look back in months and years, and see where I stand compared to the past. I was thinking this morning about graduation, and was stunned and a little depressed to realize it has been thirty one years since I graduated high school. Comparing who I am now to 31 years ago, the changes in my life are extremely obvious! Comparing myself to who I was three days ago is not so easy. For me personally, it is much easier for me to make comparisons in my life between now, and twelve years ago, when I moved to Ohio. Although I didn't realize it at the time, God was much behind this change in my life, for that is when the biggest growth spurt started. I am blessed to have an extremely close friend (Chris), who knew me prior to me moving to Ohio, and is still extremely close to this day. A brother type of relationship. Someone who holds me accountable, who has no qualms as to being extremely honest and tells me as it is. Someone who can never hurt my feelings, because this friend "has my permission" to be extremely blunt and open with me! If you were to ask Chris today to compare my life from today to twelve years ago, he would be the first to tell you that I am nearly 100% different, for the better. He recently reminded me in conversation, that when I moved to Ohio, for the first year or two, I had an extremely big chip on my shoulder. Not only was I angry at God, but I was angry at the world. Just shy of three years prior to my moving to Ohio is when Emily was killed in the jet skiing accident. I had not yet gotten over the bitterness of losing such a beautiful person in my life. I still think of her each and every day. But anger no longer exists in that matter. I no longer blame God and I no longer blame the church for what I considered a lack of compassion. During those first two years in Ohio, I was extremely anti-social. I hated everyone, remember! But today, Chris will tell you that he loves going to tailgates with me, because although he is shy (to a degree), I will be the first to go up to a total stranger and start a conversation! Most people do not know this, for I have never shared this publicly before ... but just two years prior to me moving to Ohio, shortly after moving to Austin, Texas, I swallowed an entire bottle of Tylenol PM, and an entire bottle of Advil. My intention was to die. I could no longer handle the pain in my life. I saw no hope for the future. For at that time, I had already "experienced God," but no longer had a close relationship with Him and saw no hope for the future. Severe depression had taken over my life. I no longer wanted to live that way. About four hours after I took all those pills, a lady showed up to where I was when I took them. She later told me that God had been nagging her all day to pay me a surprise visit, and although she protested, she decided to finally obey God and came to visit (although she had no other reason to visit.) She called 911, an ambulance showed up and rushed me to the hospital, where I was pumped with charcoal (not very tasty at all!) After that, I figured that Heaven didn't want me, and Hell is afraid of me, so what should I do? I decided to just take it one day at a time, and I'd figure it out in time. Today, Hell doesn't want me for a totally different reason! I am filled with the Holy Spirit, and that makes Satan madder than a dog without a tail! Heaven not only wants me, I already have an eternal reservation, and know that I am going to be living in a mansion with streets of gold! But I also know that I am NOT going to show up earlier than when God actually wants me, because Heaven needs time to get all my walls painted Orange and Brown! Speaking of which, yes, there IS orange, and there is brown, but no black, and no yellow allowed in Heaven! It's part of Heavens Zoning Laws! So if you are a lover of that song, "Black and Yellow", you may want to double check your eternal reservations!! Okay, okay, enough Pittsburgh Steelers joking, well, for now anyway! How am I doing in the area of dealing with conflict? Still not perfect, but I would say my biggest growth spurt has been in the past seven months. That is when a very challenging person accepted my offer to move in with me. I am being tested and tested and tested almost on a daily basis by this person. But compared to just seven months ago, the differences are huge! How am I doing in the area of daily Bible Studying and Prayer time? Well, let's put it this way. Two months ago, when I opened my Bible, it creaked. Almost the same sound as an old door in a haunted house. Fortunately, when you enter this house, it's not haunted, though! Light has been shining brighter than I've ever seen before! I took a trip to the Bahamas once, expecting sun, but it was overcast and rainy while we were there! Therefore, you can say that life is brighter than the Bahamas! I joined the social network of Facebook in 2004 originally. Didn't start using it, though, until 2006. Occasionally, I will go back and look back at my posts over the past seven years! "Wow, I can't believe I actually said that or did that" comes out of my mouth frequently when I look back over the past seven years! So, no ... I do not have lines on a wall or door measuring any physical growth. I haven't really gotten any taller in the past 31 years (although I HAVE gotten much wider, and the reminders of that are on the waist sizes on any pants or jeans I own!) But I do have mile markers in my life that I can look back at and say that yes, I've grown! And there will be many more mile markers ahead, for my growth is not yet complete!
Some people are just very difficult to love! Perhaps they have different social skills, different backgrounds, different anger management techniques, or perhaps, they love a football team that you despise with all your heart! (i.e. In my case, I find Steelers fans and Wolverine fans extremely difficult!) God developed us for relationships. With Him first, then with others. Conflict in relationships is inevitable. No relationship can escape it. It becomes more and more difficult when we spend an extraordinary amount of time with the other person. Many years ago, when I was in a college and career class in a church, one point brought up in a relationship class for potential married couples was this ... be sure to devote one night a week to where one person goes out with his friends, and the other goes out with hers. We need to spend time apart! I once worked for a married couple who owned their own business. The man and wife had adjoining desks in the office. They were around each other 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! Not surprisingly, their marriage lasted less than 2 years. I am currently dealing with a large amount of conflict between myself and a very close friend. We live together and we work together. We attend church together. We spend almost every waking moment together. Not always by choice, but by convenience. This friend is without transportation, so I am also taxi driver. Most of the time, we have a great time! But there are moments ... well, let's just say there are moments I am glad I do not own a firearm, or I would be in prison! Let me point out that I am definitely NOT an expert on conflict resolution! This particular friendship has pushed me nearly to my breaking point a number of times. But I am learning. Slowly, but I AM learning. I have no doubt at all that God put this person in my life so God could test me and to teach me. Early on in our friendship, if this person was to say something that I knew was totally off the mark, I would be quick to point out what the correct answer should be. Now, I take a short breath, and do my best to just ask the person why they feel the answer is what they believe it is. I will then try to help show them where they can find the actual answer. OR ... many times, I will just nod my head if it is petty enough, and let them believe what they want to believe, hoping that life will eventually teach them the correct answer. Sometimes, though, no matter how I respond, this person will totally snap and rages of anger build up within them. Once, over something completely petty that I hadn't originally given a second thought to, the person just totally snapped and physically assaulted me, leaving my face completely black and blue. After calming down my own emotions, my first instinct was to call the police and press charges. But I didn't. For a number of reasons that I won't get into on this blog, but instead, this person took off for about two hours. While they were gone, I prayed. I asked God if it was okay with Him if I didn't get police involved, and could just forgive them no questions asked. Well, the response from God as I understood it was, "Mark, I forgave you for ALL your sins. Because you were repentant!" When this person came back two hours later, we sat down, and immediately, remorse was showing, and a begging of forgiveness came from this person. So that I did. And I have harbored no resentment over that issue since. I did make it clear, though, that I would forgive unconditionally, just as Jesus did ... but it could NOT continue, and if there was just one more act of physical violence, the police WOULD become involved. I also made it clear that even if it got to the point where I did press charges, I would love this person no matter what. If they were to be sent to jail, it would be an act of tough love, NOT as an act of revenge.
Everyone is different. And each person will deal with results of certain situations differently, even different from the way they responded in previous situations. This makes life so difficult at times. Ladies think men should be mind readers. Men need to hear. We get confused easily!
So ... if conflict arises ... no, scratch that ... WHEN conflict arises, what are we to do? We ARE to resolve the conflict! Matthew 5:24 tells us, "First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." We won't be right with God if we are not reconciled with our brothers! So, what do we do?
The following list comes from Ken Sande, author of "The Peacemaker—A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict." As important as practical skills are, the focus always has to be on motive. If our desire is to honor Christ, everything else will follow." Define the problem and stick to the issue. Clearly define the issue and stay on topic during the discussion. Conflict deteriorates when the issue that started the conflict gets lost in angry words, past issues, or hurts tossed into the mix. Pursue purity of heart. "Take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matt. 7:5 NASB). Before approaching others regarding their faults and shortcomings, prayerfully face up to your own. Confess any way you might have contributed to the problem. Plan a time for the discussion. Plan a time to meet with the other person when you are both rested and likely to respond in love to the other person's concerns. When you are tired, stressed, and distracted with other responsibilities, things rarely will go well. Affirm the Relationship. Affirm the relationship before clearly defining the problem. For example, "Our relationship is important to me. But when you don't return my calls, I feel rejected and unimportant." Avoid blaming the other person and saying, "You make me feel…" Instead, say, "When you do ‘A', I feel ‘B'."
By applying these practical tips and tools for resolving conflict to your relationships, you can turn obstacles into opportunities to demonstrate the love and power of the gospel. What's more, you will know the deep, abiding joy that comes through obedience to God's Word.
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" (Matthew 5:9). Listen carefully. Once you share your feelings, listen to the other person's perspective. Lean in; be present. "One of the most powerful communication techniques I know is to listen well," points out Sande. Make sure your body language conveys that you are open to the other's perspective. Reflect back to the individual what you believe you have heard. For example, "I heard you say that you feel expectations from me. Is that correct?" Forgive. Forgive others as Christ has forgiven you. "Forgiveness is both an event and a process," Sande says. He suggests you make forgiveness concrete with four promises:
- I promise I won't bring this up and use it against you in the future. - I promise I'm not going to dwell on it in my own heart and mind. - I'm not going to talk to other people about it. - I'm not going to let it stand between us or hinder our personal relationship. Propose a solution. Remember the relationship is more important than the issue. When working toward a solution, consider Philippians 2:4-5: "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Seek solutions that keep everyone's best interests in mind.
This is not an exact science. Conflict resolution is a most difficult task to master, for sure! But if we are to love others as Christ has loved us, it is a task that we MUST work at and try harder!
I have been a Christian since 1982. Came to know the Lord in Basic Training of the US Air Force, in San Antonio, Texas. I joined the Air Force on September 14, 1982, and was just 17 years old at the time. The first Sunday of Basic Training, just after breakfast, our drill sergeant came to the barracks and gave us two choices. The first choice was to attend a worship service of our choice (out of a list of about 15 different denominations.) The second choice was to stay behind and clean the barracks. No brainer, I was going to find a chapel to attend that morning!
Catholic, Methodist, Presbyterian, Jewish ... the list went on and on. Which one do I choose? I had a step-uncle who lived in Tennessee, and anytime as a child we would visit with them, he would encourage us kids to go to church with him. Therefore, I chose to attend a Baptist chapel that first Sunday of Basic Training.
The Pastor that morning was beginning a six week series on "God's Unconditional Love." I didn't even know the definition of the word "unconditional." Well, I learned. And did I learn! At the end of that six week series, I responded to an alter call, and publicly professed that I wanted to accept Christ into my life and asked him to save me! One week later, I boarded an Air Force bus, and was taken to the First Baptist Church of San Antonio, Texas, where I was baptized.
After Basic Training, I was stationed in Minot, North Dakota, guarding Minuteman missile silos. Because of my inconsistent schedule, I was only able to attend church on a intermittent schedule. But when I was able to attend, I did.
After my military service was over, I chose to move to Atlanta, Georgia, where I was born and many of my extended family members still lived. It was there that my spiritual growth finally began. I lived in a suburb of Dunwoody for a period of time and then moved to Marietta, GA.
From 1994 through 1997, I returned to the town in Maryland where I spent much of my youth. During that time, I joined a local church, and was later asked to take on the role of Youth Leader. I later became the Youth Leader for the entire local Baptist Association, a group of 14 churches. One of my primary responsibilities was to organize a monthly youth rally in a country retreat center. What started off with about 15 teenagers a month showing up grew, and grew very quickly. The final rally I assembled, there were approximately 1,500 in attendance. It was a rally in which teenagers would be able to play basketball, racquetball, and a number of other sports activities. At the end of each rally, I would have a different person share a devotion with the teens. Usually it would be someone such as a local basketball coach that the teenagers had respect for, and would listen intently. The number of teens showing up each month was not the important factor, but what was is the fact that by the end, around 50-75 teenagers a month were praying to receive Christ into their hearts!
I left Maryland and moved back to Georgia. It was during that time that I started dating Emily Bledsoe. Emily actually lived just outside of Birmingham, Alabama, a two hour drive from where I was living. I had met Emily several years earlier at a youth workers conference, and we had stayed in touch. While living back in Georgia, I would visit her as often as I could. For the first time in my life, I was truly falling in love. After dating for about a year, I asked Emily to marry me, and she said yes! About six months later, though, tragedy struck, and Emily was killed in a terrible jet skiing accident. As soon as I received the news, I drove straight to Hoover, Alabama, where she had been a youth Sunday School teacher. The pastor and youth pastor of that church met with me, and asked me to spend a week there as we would be going to each one of the teenagers homes from that church to minister to them, as Emily was so well loved by all of her students. That was a very trying week for me. I had to remain strong, although in hindsight, it kept me from grieving as I needed to do for myself.
When I returned back to Georgia, I was finally at a point where I could cry. And cry, and cry, and cry I did! But then I became very angry. Angry toward God! Emily was such a beautiful woman! She was my best friend! She was doing everything right for God ... why would he take her so young? (24 years young!) I went back to my home church in Atlanta, yet felt no comfort or support from the membership. Suddenly, my attendance began to dwindle mightily! I spent one more year there, and even decided to get Christian counselling for my depression. But it didn't work. I was getting worse and worse. Finally, after talking with a close friend, I decided to move to Austin, Texas to get a fresh start. I moved in with that friend in Austin. Things couldn't get any worse! Well, maybe they didn't get worse, but it definitely didn't get any better. I spent just two years in Austin, then on another whim decided to move to Columbus, Ohio. It was a no-brainer for me. I was already a Buckeye at heart (long story), so I would move to Columbus and be surrounded by a great sports loving city! This time, though, I was going to do things right. I decided to take a four day weekend and visit Columbus and where I would be living about six months prior to the move.
When I moved to Columbus, it was exactly as I thought it would be! I already had a couple of friends in Columbus who would keep me from getting bored and would help snap me out of any depression! But instead of returning my life to Christ, I became more and more devoted to my love for football, which would fill the giant hole in my heart. I did decide to visit a couple of churches, off and on, but nothing ever clicked with me. In the first ten years I lived in Columbus, I probably visited a church service about eight to ten times total. I later discovered that the reason I never felt His spirit at any of these churches was because I wasn't feeling it outside of church either. My daily time with God no longer existed. I still harbored bitterness towards God!
In 2013, things began to change. For the first time in years, I sat down and prayed. I asked God to forgive me. I felt His forgiveness instantly. During Christmas of 2012, a long time friend gave me a Kindle as a gift. I began to read. And a ton of reading I did!
March 31, 2013 (Easter Sunday), I finally decided to give another church a try. This time, the primary reason was to be a good influence on Jeremy, a 19 year old who has been living with me. Honestly, I was skeptical at first. After encountering so many not so positive experiences, I had serious doubts as to whether or not there was even a church in the whole state of Ohio that I would feel comfortable. Wow. Finally! Praise God! A church welcomed me (and Jeremy) with open arms! From the moment we first pulled into the parking lot, we felt God's spirit! The parking lot attendants, the door greeters, the coffee station attendants, the ushers, the music ministry leader, the Pastor ... total strangers, they ALL made us feel like we belonged there!
I have been attending every single week since. I also attended what they call a Discovery Seminar, to learn more about the history of that particular church, and their vision for the future. I have never felt as much love or felt God's spirit as much as I have attending Cypress Wesleyan Church!
But attending for the sake of attending isn't enough! This is a church that has actually taught me on my level ... a level of understanding that I can appreciate. My daily time with God has NEVER been this devoted as it has been the past two months. My praise and worship for Him has NEVER been on the level as it has been recently. Some people warn me that I am on a temporary high. But God tells me that this is real, and as long as I make Him first, this will sustain!
I am sharing this blog, because there is a group of people I want to publicly thank. Obviously, the Pastor. Ken Murphy. Pastor Ken, I thank you for your vision! Or, perhaps, I should say, thank you for sharing God's vision! Your heart and love for the Lord is very evident, and actually contagious! I also want to thank Mark Wilson, the music ministry leader. Mark, you are a true one of a kind! Jeremy and I met Mark immediately following the Easter Service, and he was so welcoming to us both! He made us feel right at home! The songs he chooses for the music portion of the services is always right on track! When he sang Big Daddy Weave's song, Redeemed, Jeremy actually had tears running down his cheeks! I want to thank Barry Hines, the church's finance guy! Barry agreed to meet with me at a local Tim Hortons for coffee, and allowed me to share part of my testimony ... then invited me to be a part of a Wednesday morning men's prayer/bible study time at the local Perkins restaurant. Karen Sexton ... thank you for reaching out! Karen is the church's outreach leader ... she contacted me on Facebook the day after I first attended. She says she remembered Jeremy and I because we were both wearing Buckeye ties that morning! Karen, thank you for your friendship since! Anytime I can't figure out where I am going within the church, you always help point me in the right direction! Julie Prater, thank you can't express it enough! As the church office head honcho administrator, you always have your hands full, but still have the time for a hearty smile and welcome whenever I see you! Susan Knight, the Adult Ministry leader, thank you for your smile and always encouraging words! You are better than coffee to help wake up a groggy old man! Serena Murphy, you Dunwoody Wildcat, your Southern roots are so apparent with your hospitality and Southern warmth! Thank you for your smile as well, and for brightening so many overcast days! To all of the parking lot attendants, to the welcome center volunteers, to the people working at the coffee booth, to the ushers, and everyone else that volunteers, I just want to shout out a huge THANK YOU!!!!! I look forward to continuing to grow in Christ with you as a member of the body of Christ!
Just five short years ago, when I was still the President of the Buckeye chapter of the Browns Backers Worldwide, I spent almost every waking moment working on chapter related issues and/or studying everything I could about the National Football League. Rosters, schedules, injury reports, etc. I had to do everything I could to be an expert in the field. God got what was left over in my life, which at that time, was ZERO. You could say that at that point in my life, I was worshiping a false god (football.) Football, especially the Cleveland Browns and The Ohio State Buckeyes, came first in my life. I was following a whole separate "Great Commission." I was to go out into the world, and convince any and every Steelers fan I could meet, on why being a Browns fan would get them saved. I wrote letters to politicians, trying to convince them to pass laws that would criminalize marriages between Browns fans and Steelers fans! Saying that I was obsessed is a gross understatement! Now, five years later, I am doing everything I can to get back into a right relationship with God. If you were to ask me now what my top five priorities are, it would no longer be football first, but would go as follows:
God
Family
Church
Friends
Career
God commands and deserves to be number one in every Christian's life. He is worthy of that spot! God sent His only Son to die on a cross, in order that I (we) may spend an eternal life in Heaven. But not just looking at the afterlife ... being a Christian makes life so much more bearable while here on Earth as well! God "never promised us a rose garden", but I can no longer even imagine being able to spend just one day without being comforted in my relationship with Him and praising Him for all He has done for me personally!
Family comes second, because that is where they are supposed to be. Not more important than God, but more important than everything else in life! Personally, I may not have an extremely close relationship with my own family, but they are definitely more important to me than anything else in life, with the exception of God!
Some people feel God and church are one in the same. But they aren't. Scripturally, the purpose of going to church is for believers to come together to study His word, and to hear God's instructions on how to go out and live for the rest of the week. In today's world, there are many churches that subscribe to the theory that the church is not to be a school, but to be a hospital to the wounded in life. I am not here to argue that point. Although I personally feel that outreach should take place outside the walls of church and discipleship should take place within the church, both are very important and I am sure God is going to bless both types of churches.
Fourth are friends. I love my close friends as though they were my own family. There are three people in my life right now that I have no doubt would have my back in any given situation. One of them has moved from Ohio to Northern Virginia, but we stay in contact on a daily basis. One lives in Cleveland, OH, but again, daily conversations. The third lives in Columbus, but if either of us were to move cross-country, or even to another country, we would still stay in contact. God gives us friendships because He doesn't want us to walk our journeys alone. To read more on this, see one of my prior blogs, Friendship and Accountability.
Career comes fifth. Without being able to provide an income, how are we able to tithe? How are we able to put food on our tables and roofs over our heads? Careers should never come before God, family, or church (some will argue whether it should come before friends), but without having a job and providing for ourselves and family, we would fail miserably.
Now that I've set my top 5 in stone, the rest are trivial. But for me personally, football can now come number six! I LOVE FOOTBALL! And that is okay with God, as long as we put that love in the right order of priorities!
