Forgiveness

Recently, I was deeply hurt by the actions of a couple of members of the leadership of the church in which I am a member.  One of these leaders out and out lied to me directly.  The other spread false rumors.

When doing work with the homeless community, many times some of the homeless people do not receive what they ask for.  Drama and lies spread rampant.  Unfortunately, one of the people who stayed in one of the camps wanted more than I was able to offer.  I will not participate in anything that is either immoral or illegal.

With that said, let's just say I was blackmailed.  If I did not provide a certain person what they wanted, I would pay a price.  I didn't, and I am still paying the price to this day!

I didn't know what the price was going to be.  Until months later.  But here is what the person has done as retaliation.  They spread throughout their particular homeless camp a story that both J and I kept this person detained in my basement for over two weeks, tied up with rope, raping them repeatedly, and refusing to let them leave my home.  Ironic how this story began right after national news was talking about Ariel Castro being arrested in Cleveland for doing something very similar!

Fast forward several months.  I get a call from one of the leaders at the church wanting to talk with me.  He informs me that he has received an e-mail that shared a story very similar to what I just shared.  He informs me that police are investigating and taking it very serious.  I am then told that the church no longer wants me to serve in any volunteer capacities.

I understand.  Yet, I don't.  So I call the Columbus Police and inquire about the so-called investigation.  I offer to go to the station and give a DNA sample to prove my innocence.  The police inform me that there is no investigation.  They appreciate my willingness to cooperate, but inform me there is nothing to cooperate with!  They go further to inform me that yes, they are aware of a rape story from this individual.  However, they said that this person has filled out over 50 rape claims in the past four years.

The next day I get a call from this individual's case worker.  She is only allowed to talk with me because he gave written permission over six months prior.  She informs me that she too is aware of the lies that he was spreading.  She was devastated over their actions.  She went on to share with me additional lies that he had been telling, including to me personally.  He had always claimed that he had moved to Columbus when he was 12 years old from New York with his mother.  Two years later, his mom died of leukemia, and he had been living on the streets for four years since her death.  His mom is still alive and well.  She wants nothing to do with him because of his compulsive lying.

Back to the particular leader within the church.  If he had shared with me what he knew, and asked me to step back for a while, I would have completely cooperated and understood.  However, he took it a step further and started sharing the news with others.  And from there, it got spread, and spread, and spread.  Gossip loves to spread like wildfire.

Another leader within the church, when confronted over a certain issue indirectly related to this wound up lying to me through e-mail.  This person recently apologized to me.  I was quick to tell them they were forgiven, but have I truly forgiven from my heart?  Have I truly forgiven the other one for spreading the gossip?  I want to say I have, but I just don't know.

This past weekend, I had a long conversation with J.  He has been completely aware of the full story all along as well.  It was about a month later that he started coming up with different reasons of why he didn't want to go to church each weekend.  So we talked about it in depth this weekend.  J has some very strong protective instincts.  He is extremely angry at how he perceived the church to treat me after the stories started to spread.  In fact, he was even more angry than I ever was.  But it didn't stop there.  He went on to say that he feels as though both the leadership of the church and the majority of the church body he's come into contact with are "stuck up."  When J first started attending, he established a special bond with the leader of the music ministry.  J feels as though he is now being shunned by that person.  J says that if he ever tries to approach the Pastor, the Pastor ignores him and walks away. I tried my very best to explain to J that in a church that has between 4000-5000 people a weekend in attendance, the leaders get very busy and distracted easily, and he shouldn't take it personally.  But J isn't buying it.  He feels as though he was treated rudely one time too many.  He no longer wants to return period.  He is begging me to find a new church, and then he'll be more than willing to start going to church again.  But he never wants to step foot inside CWC period.

Forgiveness.  So much easier said than done.  For me personally, it seems much easier to forgive if I see change within the one that needs the forgiveness.  But when the repentance isn't there, it's much more difficult.

BUT ... is that the way it should be?  I don't believe so.  You see, God has forgiven me for ALL of my sins ... past, present, and future.  I haven't always been repentant, yet God has still forgiven me anyway!

To the entire leadership team of CWC, I forgive you all.  Some of you may still feel blinded and feel as though you did nothing wrong, and that's okay.  I forgive you anyway!  To those who have treated J rudely (and yes, I have seen it firsthand to know it's truly been a bit rude at times), I forgive you.  

To the 18 year old who loves to spread complete lies ... I FORGIVE YOU!  You are no longer welcome in my home, and I do not wish to have any association with you again period, but I still forgive you!

And while I am at it ... to the person who drives the red mini van with a Cypress decal on the back window who cut me off and then gave me the middle finger on Rome Hilliard Road, I forgive you as well!


"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." ... Mark 11:25