I'm So Lonely I Could Cry

With over 7 billion people on this planet, why does this world so often seem like such a lonely place? Yes, as Christians, we know that Jesus loves us. We might even know that family members love us, even when we don't always sense that love. But with over 7 billion people, why do we still feel so lonely?

Loneliness and being alone are two separate things. Recently, I went to church, and it was a service with approximately 1,200 people in attendance. Yet, I was feeling more lonely than ever before. Granted, there were several pleasantries expressed that evening towards me. The pastor walked passed, nodded, and said, "Hey, how you doing?", yet continued to walk away not really expecting a reply. The same from several others. Yet, why did I feel so lonely that particular evening? Perhaps I went to church that evening in extreme pain. It had been an awful week, in many more ways than one. I had been betrayed by someone I had truly cared about. Lies were being spread about me all around. My life, at that particular time, seemed to be crumbling all around me very rapidly. In some ways, I wanted to skip church completely that evening. I didn't even want to be around others. But I picked myself up by my bootstraps and convinced myself that going to church would be best to help at that time. Ninety minutes later, I left church in even worse shape than I had entered. In a church that size, you tend to get to know small networks of people. Others just become faces in the crowd. I scanned and scanned the crowd that night, and saw no one that I had already gotten to know. That is, other than staff members of the church who were way too busy with their responsibilities of the evening. What is it I needed that night so bad? Perhaps just five minutes of a friends' time to share what was going on and maybe receive a quick hug, or a genuine "it will be okay, Mark, you're in my prayers!"

Also, when I attended church that evening, I have no doubt I showed my pain. But people get scared away from people who are hurting. Who wants to go up and talk with someone who looks like they could burst into tears at any second?

Since that time, I have healed a lot, although not totally. I have been back to church several times since then, and harbor no ill will whatsoever. I blame not the people for what they do not know. I failed to speak up and somehow expected people just to know, to comfort ... yet, that's not the way this world works.

Loneliness in this world is reaching epidemic proportions. Some researchers believe that it has grown much more rapidly since the early late 1990's, early 2000's, due to "social networking." Let me first share my own personal opinion: if you (or I) spend more time talking with "friends" on social networking than you do face to face contact, chances are you are going to become lonely. Perhaps Facebook, Twitter, and the likes, should be better known as "anti-social" networking. Yet, please understand, I personally do believe in many benefits of these sites. Thanks to Facebook, I have been back in contact with friends I graduated high school with many, many moons ago. And thanks to these re-connections, I have actually been able to visit many and have had a number of reunions of sorts, and that has been a true blessing. I also believe both Facebook and Twitter have been very valuable on getting information, such as urgent prayer requests out, faster than ever before. Recently, a couple of students from church were in a serious car accident. My Facebook newsfeed page was filled with people sharing their prayers for their whole family. In fact, it was Facebook that first alerted me to the accident and the call for prayer.

But when we spend more time with church folks online than we do in church potluck dinners, etc, that is when the danger of loneliness begins.

Another danger: if you are feeling down, perhaps you should not be scrolling through a Facebook newsfeed page reading of what others are up to. People tend to talk about fun things online. They post pictures of their vacations, or their new cars, or other exciting things happening in their lives. If we feel as though our lives are ho-hum, imagine how much worse we will feel when we see others are all happy and we are so sad. People don't tend to post all the negative things that occur on a day in and day out basis.

So bottom line ... is "social networking" to blame for the increase in loneliness? NO! Is the fact that certain people didn't say hello the reason? NO! If we are feeling lonely, then who's to blame? No one but ourselves! We need to turn off our computers, turn off our TV's, get off our butts, and surround ourselves with others. But that's just step one. As I pointed out earlier, being in large crowds, one can still feel lonely. But step two is to open up and share what is going on in your life with others. As long as we are not chronic complainers, most people have enough compassion in their hearts to sit down with us and listen, offer some encouraging words, and maybe, perhaps, even offer a hug!

One last thing ... if you are reading this, please know that I love you and you're in my prayers. I feel convicted that many will be reading this who really need to hear that. If that is you, give me a holler, and we'll go out and have some chicken wings sometime! It's okay to use Facebook or Twitter, or even e-mail to contact me, but let's talk over wings or coffee in person so you can have a shoulder to lean on, deal?  Or, if you need one, even a hug!

Times, They Are A Changin!

As most of you know by now, this past Easter marks a life-changing milestone in my life. After turning my back on God for the past twelve years, I consciously made a decision to re-dedicate my life to Him. This came after an Easter Worship Service at Cypress Wesleyan Church, in Galloway, Ohio.  God has been working in my life a LOT since then. He is changing my heart a LOT. My love for football could no longer be number one in my life, as it had been. It's okay to enjoy football, but not to make the sport a god higher in priority than God almighty.

Many of you are also aware of Jeremy ... quick update ... he has recently relapsed, and is no longer staying in my home. He continues to remain in my prayers. I urge you to be praying for him as well.


I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who lives out of town. This friend will be visiting in less than a couple of weeks. He started talking about things he wanted to do while he's here. The casino ... I explained to him that I no longer have a desire to visit the place ... not condemning those who do, but I no longer feel as though God approves of me gambling away His money. Yes, His money ... everything in my possession ultimately belongs to Him!

He then talked about wanting to go to Thurman's Burgers ... thumbs up from me on that idea! He even mentioned the possibility of Der Dutchman (a nearby Amish restaurant) ... double thumbs up on that one!

He then went on to start asking my opinion on the 3rd weekend of September. You see, this friend, as well as another friend who now lives in Virginia, started a tradition several years ago. They would meet me in Cleveland that weekend, and the 3 of us would go to a Browns game, to celebrate my birthday. I explained to this friend that to be honest, the thought of going to a game right now just does not get me excited. Whoa, did I really just say that! But honestly, yeah ... then, after talking about that for a bit, I realized that God is wanting me to take some time off from actually going to a game ... in order to help break my addiction. Perhaps it's okay to watch on TV for now ... but going to a game does nothing for me at the moment. Once my priorities are truly in order, then perhaps in the future we can go to a game together again ... but just not right now.

The friend understood completely, says he understands and respects my decision. He then came up with an alternative idea ... each friend would visit me here in Columbus, and each one would go to church with me. A smile came across my face, and immediately these words came out of my mouth, "Yes, that would mean much more to me than any football game!"

I hung up the phone after that conversation ... and immediately I looked up at God above, and prayed ... "Lord, I have no idea what all you're up to in my life ... there's been tons of changes going on lately ... I still don't understand the Jeremy situation completely ... but you're definitely working in me. I thank you and praise you Lord Jesus!"

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." ... Luke 22:42 (NIV)

PLEASE Be VERY Careful What You Post Online

"Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God - even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." ... 1 Corinthians 10:31-32 (NIV)

The closer I become with God, the more careful I am about what I share or do not share via social networking (in my case: Facebook and Twitter.)  I have never really been one to post anything containing vulgar language, anything sexual in nature, or anything that would cause my own Mother to blush.  Well, for the most part, that's been the case!

I have a deep passion for the game of football.  I am a Cleveland Browns fan, and an Ohio State Buckeyes fan.  Several years ago, I posted a photo on my Facebook wall which had a caption that included the phrase, "Muck Fichigan!"  I thought that was innocent enough, since the actual vulgar words were never actually used.  But my Dad in Georgia felt otherwise, and was so offended, he blocked me on Facebook.

I am a sinner.  A sinner who has been saved from an eternal Hell because of the blood of my Savior Jesus Christ.  I am definitely not a perfect man.  I have made, and continue to make, many mistakes in life.  

Maurice Clarett, a former running back for The Ohio State Buckeyes football team, and a member of the 2002 National Championship Team, recently visited Cypress Wesleyan Church.  Pastor Ken Murphy interviewed him through the service.  At one point, Maurice stated that there was an area in his life where he knew he was living in sin, but no longer wanted to live the life of a hypocrite, preaching one way, yet living another, so he made a conscience decision to repent of the sin.

Recently, I have been convicted by God of how I have been treating the fans of both the University of Michigan Wolverines, and Pittsburgh Steelers.  I had grown to despise the fans of both teams so much, I actually developed a true prejudice and hatred towards anyone who claimed to be a fan of either team.  I have asked God's forgiveness, and that forgiveness He has given.  I followed up with asking forgiveness of those who I know I have hurt.  I am sure there are many others who may never hear my apologies.  I was wrong.  Very wrong.

From 2003-2008, I was the President of the Buckeye Chapter of the Browns Backers Worldwide organization.  In 2003, we had approximately 40 members.  When I resigned 5 years later, we had over 1,500 members.  As a part of what I felt was "charging up the troops", I would send letters to the editor of the local newspaper, stating that I felt all Steelers fans should be castrated, and would only support a politician who would agree that it should be illegal for any Steelers fan to marry outside their species.

In the beginning, my comments were only meant as humor.  Something to get our fan based energized.  But the more I spoke or wrote the words, the more the feelings became a true part of who I was.  And that, my friends, is a bigot.  I was prejudiced against a person simply because of a sports team they rooted for.  It was no longer just friendly banter ... but again, it became a true hatred!

I even got to the point where I justified my attitudes with God, and actually felt as though He approved.  I was only fooling myself.  God NEVER approves of hatred of another individual.  We are ALL made in His image.  If we hate another human being, we hate Him as well!

I know that my feelings were the extreme of a typical sports fan.  Most sports fans never get to the extreme that I did.  However, I shared this story just as an example of the types of things we post online.

In a recent Outreach Prayer Meeting, I shared with the group my feelings that social networking, if used in the correct manner, is able to reach more people for Christ, in a shorter time period, than at any other time ever in history!  But if people reading posts about Christ also see a hypocrisy within us, then we are just wasting our time.

I urge everyone reading this ... PLEASE be very careful as to what you post on social networking websites.  Keep everything very family friendly!  Ask yourself before posting, "How's Jesus going to feel when He reads this post?" 

Serving Others ... Not An Option to Say No!!!

On any given day, there are approximately FIFTEEN THOUSAND
homeless men, women, teenagers, and children  just in Columbus, Ohio alone!

My Christian background is filled with my serving the Lord in varying capacities. Youth Pastor at a small Baptist Church. Director of Youth Ministries for the local Baptist Association of churches. Fellowship of Christian Athletes volunteer. Youth for Christ volunteer. Athletes in Action Volunteer. One theme that surrounds most of these ministries have to do with young people and/or sports. I love Jesus first. I also love sports. But I resigned from youth ministry because in my heart, I felt like I did not have the love for youth that was required to be fully effective for God. I do not regret that decision ... for God had other plans for me in my life.

"Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said,“why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” ... Matthew 14:22-33

When I allowed Jeremy to come into my life, it was crystal clear from God. He was going through a rough time in his life. I had been blessed in my past, and it was time for me to pay it forward! No brainer. But taking it a step forward and devoting a lot of time to the homeless population of Columbus, Ohio, was terrifying. No God, I don't think this is for me! Can't be! It scares me! Perhaps, I have never been like Peter above, and asked Jesus, "Tell me to come to you on the water!" Perhaps I was trying to walk on the water without His guidance!

Over the past year, I've had a heavy burden on my heart to help start and be involved with a Christian Men's Ministry. Because of the vast amount of time spent in prayer on this matter, I know this desire is not my own, but from God. Reviving a "Promise Keepers" type of ministry, where men could join together, worship, be energized, and renew their commitments to be Godly men of Faith! And a big part of being a Godly man is serving others.

So what others are we to serve? Honestly, I think God gives us free will to choose. The list of needs is long. But what is important is that we all serve Him by sharing His love with others! Sometimes, He is specific. I pray daily for my friend Barrett Todd, and his family, as God has made it perfectly clear to them that He wants them in Haiti serving. The Todd Family couldn't say no ... it was not an option for them. They love Jesus and have committed to following Him, no matter what God asks of them.

Over the past year, I have visited three separate tent cities in Columbus, Ohio that are filled with homeless people. Multiple times.  On any given day, there are approximately 15,000 homeless people living just in the city limits of Columbus!  FIFTEEN THOUSAND!!!  I have learned so much from them. For instance, Faygo tends to be their soft drink of choice! Visit a tent city and offer a can of Faygo (no matter the flavor ... just not Mist!) You will surely see a smile on the person's face that may be the only smile they share all day!

I've got splinters on my rear from sitting on many logs, as some of these people have been eager to share their stories of how they got to this point in their life. Others are very distant and quiet, not trusting anyone. I can understand that as well. But at the very least, I'll offer them a smile, or a handshake ... sometimes, the smallest of gifts are the most valuable!

Christians ... and churches ... we must ALL pray for repentance ... that we have not been doing more of what we should be doing.

James 2:14-17 states: "What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

Whenever this men's ministry gets rolling, one very important part of the ministry will be serving others! Putting on jeans and boots, and climbing the muddy trails of some of these homeless tent cities would be a great start. Not to go in to preach, for many of their hearts are hardened. But to go in and just SHOW Christ's love by loving them! Some people reading this love to camp. Imagine this ... you go on a camping trip, and the camping last for a year. After the first week, you are out of food and out of clean clothes. Imagine how you would feel if a total stranger comes up and hands you a sandwich. Or a clean pair of socks!  You would be thrilled!  You would be thankful!  You would praise God above!

Last December, Pastor Ken preached a series entitled "Socks and underwear: not what you want, but what you need" ... trust me, the homeless both need them AND want them!

Last night, I was at an outreach prayer meeting where I heard a woman share the following story. She loves going to garage sales. Anyone who has ever been involved with a garage sale know that we never sell everything. Many times the leftovers are given to Goodwill or another charitable cause. Many times, the leftovers wind up in the landfill instead. Whenever this woman goes to a garage sale, she makes her purchases, then hands the person a list of local charities that will accept their leftovers. She even offers to go back and help them load it up and take it to the charities!

If you live in Columbus, Ohio, please email Karen Sexton.  Karen would love to share with you many different opportunities in the Columbus area that need volunteers.  Many homeless shelters need people to share not only a meal, but a smile as well!  There are women's shelters which need volunteers.  She would love to share with you the statistics of women and children trafficking that take place, yes, even here in Columbus.  It's not just in third world countries, it's happening everywhere.  We MUST get out and get involved.  What will you say when you get to Heaven and God asks you, "Why didn't you?"

... Lord, please forgive us for not getting out of our comfort zones and doing more to serve You! Please open our eyes and hearts, and show us where you would have each of us serve you! Please remove any fears we may have of the unknown when it comes to homeless people. Please teach us all to love others as You have loved us! In Jesus' name, Amen!

Christian Men

To all men who call themselves a Christian: I am writing you today to say that is it time to stand up, become leaders within your home, love your church and your families like never before, and start praying like never before! It is time for a true revival, but it can not begin without YOU! Christian men are vital to the health and success of society, of the home, and of the church, and we need to stand up and be counted as Christian men!

In his enthusiastic foreword to Robert Lewis's book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight, Stu Weber writes: "Our culture is in deep trouble, and at the heart of it's trouble is it's loss of a vision for manhood. If it's difficult for you and me as adult males to maintain our masculine balance in this gender-neutral' culture, imagine what it must be like for our sons, who are growing up in an increasingly feminized world.

Manhood, in our society today, has become a joke. Homes are falling apart, immorality is taking over our world, and teaching your sons to be men has become "politically incorrect."

For the past year or two, I have spent a large amount of time trying to serve God by helping a number of homeless people. No matter who I talk with, there seems to be a concurring theme: "None of these people have deep relationships with their Dads!" Therefore, they have no role models. They lose their vision in life. They trust very few.

In Genesis 19, Lot didn't stand for God before his family, and his wife and kids learned to love the world instead of loving God. Children today are very good at making dad feel old-fashioned and oppressive for demanding a level of conduct in their lives. It's hard to stand sometimes, but a Christian man must.

Some in the world may hold the idea of "manhood" in low esteem, and "Christian manhood" even lower, but rest assured God is not in that number.

Would God say the same about you that He said about His friend Abraham, "For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD...." Gen. 18:19

May God help us to be Christian men, striving for the ideal set forth by these two wonderful examples in God's word!

I am going to be going before my church in the near future with a vision. It may be small, but it will be a start. I am going to propose that we start having a monthly meeting of men. Saturday mornings. Serve a light breakfast, enjoy some Christian music and fellowship, and listen to a different well respected man share with us each month on the topic of "How to be a Real Man!" Because of a number of contacts I've had in the past when I was setting up charity autograph appearances with former Browns and Buckeyes players and/or coaches, I know of a number of Christian men from the sports world, which would surely draw men together. Some months, it might be a director of a Homeless Mission. Some months, it may be a Christian politician. (Yes, there are a few of those!)

I am NOT going to ask the church to foot the bill for these meetings. I've done a cost analysis for food costs, and if we average 50 or more men a month, we can feed everyone some eggs, bacon, fruit, toast, and coffee for $3 per person. That is a small price for a man to pay once a month. If someone is in financial straights, no problem, the meal will be on the house. 

About 20 years ago, Promise Keepers made a huge movement through men's ministries throughout America.  But it was short lived. Today, men are once again starting to slip away. We need to once again stand up and reclaim our churches, homes, and society!

Who's with me?  Can you say, as Joshua said, "as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

Mentor Someone

Jon Kreft was listed as one of the top 30 basketball players in the nation out of the 2006 high school class. His name was right there with guys like Kevin Durant, Greg Oden, Ty Lawson, Thaddeus Young and several others that were top draft picks in the NBA. But this guy’s path didn’t quite go as planned. His plan of playing for a major college, getting drafted and playing in the NBA turned into spending a year in the Broward County jail in Florida. He had so much talent, so much height and strength, a five star status, but he started breaking team rules, facing frequent game suspensions, and then eventually found himself handcuffed in the back of a police car, after being arrested for possession of cocaine and marijuana. All that talent, all the hype, his scholarship to Florida State, all his dreams ... down the drain. But, not so fast, Jon Kreft, says it’s that experience that has shaped him into the man he is today.

Kreft sat in that jail and realized something had to change; he couldn’t let his life amount to nothing. While he was in jail, he got a call from Greg Heiar, who was the head coach at Chipola Junior College, in Marianna, Florida at the time. Heiar told Kreft that Chipola wanted him, but things were going to change. He would be required to check in with the coach daily with no exceptions. He was to attend every single class, take notes, take part in classroom discussions and achieve great grades…..average wouldn’t cut it. He would have absolutely no involvement with drugs, alcohol or any kind of illegal substance. Also, he would do things Heiar’s way on the basketball court. No more showing off, but he would learn how to play team ball, and if he didn’t …..he’d be asked to leave. Kreft jumped at the opportunity and ended up turning around his life at Chipola. Kreft formed a deep connection with Heiar, as he became his accountability partner.

Kreft ended up being a great player at Chipola and a great student. His determination and hard work paid off, as he was offered another scholarship at Florida State, where he has played the last two years as a key player off the bench. Kreft says if it had not been for Greg Heiar believing in him and giving him a second chance, he would probably be back in prison, or possibly even dead.

Kreft’s story reminds me so much of the Apostle Paul’s story told in Acts 9. Paul (Saul at the time) had been living a life of persecuting Christians for their faith. That was before he was blinded by a light on his way to Damascus. His life was turned upside down. He now had a calling from the Lord, to take up the very cause he had been persecuting people. People from both sides now didn't trust him. Even the disciples didn't believe he was telling the truth and they were afraid of him. But Saul had a man named Barnabas stand up for him.

Acts 9:27 says: “But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus.”

This was the beginning of a powerful mentoring relationship that existed between Paul and Barnabas. Barnabas became Paul’s defender, motivator, encourager, and friend. Although, they later had a conflict over who to take with them on a missionary journey, it doesn’t take away from the fact that in a lot of ways, Paul wouldn’t have become the man he did, if God had not placed Barnabas in his life.

Paul and Jon Kreft both had to deal with naysayers and doubters. Having to deal with people refer to you as a hypocrite and murderer or a druggie and a waste of talent. Luckily these guys both had men who saw something in them, who invested their lives in these men, didn't give up on them, and helped these men achieve lives worthy of living.

What are YOU doing to help mentor someone today?

Anyone who has read my blogs regularly know about my relationship with Jeremy.  Jeremy and I met at the Franklin County Courthouse, where he was on probation for simple assault.  Jeremy was living in a tent under a bridge just behind the courthouse.  His older brother, uncle, and grandfather were all in prison.  His relationship with his dad barely existed.  I befriended Jeremy, and after a period of time, allowed him to come live in my home.  Several ground rules were set.  No drugs, no alcohol, and get a job.  It's now been almost eight months since he moved in.  Jeremy has been working as a busboy at a nearby hamburger restaurant.  He is 100% drug and alcohol free.  In fact, this past Sunday, May 19th, marked the one year anniversary of him being drug free!  That is a major accomplishment, in which we should all applaud!  Together, we've set up goals such as getting his high school G.E.D.  Things are not perfect, but Jeremy has come a long way since the day I first met him!  He has grown, and I have grown as a result as well.  We have been going to church together on a weekly basis.  We are both growing spiritually.  Several times, Jeremy has shared with me the same thoughts that Kreft shared, "Mark, if it weren't for the help you've given, I'd either be in jail or dead!"  And each time, I give praise to the Lord and Heaven above that we were able to connect with each other!

Not everyone is in a situation where they can take someone in to their home and life to the degree that I have with Jeremy.  But everyone can and should invest time in another person's life.  Who do you know that needs help?  Can't think of anyone?  Pray for God to open your eyes and heart, and He will show you!  The eternal rewards will be out of this world!!!

Memories

The following post is copied from a Notes Post I did on Facebook on February 12, 2012:

Growing up between Jefferson and Middletown (MD) made me who I am today. Yes, I live in Ohio, but I am a Fredneck! I drive a Ford pickup truck, I slow down when I see tractors, and still love driving in the country just to get a whiff of fresh manure. But you don't have to take my word for it. I still have scars from where I used to ride my bike down Cherry Lane and Poole Road when they were both still gravel roads. I still have dreams of walking into Arnetts Market, buying a pack of baseball cards, and being so happy and surprised to find out there were no cards inside, but instead a foldable poster of Brooks Robinson! I will never forget the Braddock Roller Rink, or Skatehaven! I remember the "get-togethers" on Shank Road. I remember when the new Fredericktowne Mall first opened, and spending all my spare time and change playing pinball games at the arcade next to the movie theaters. I remember the first pair of Levi's jeans I was able to get from Country Legend! I remember spending hours and hours at Waxie Maxie's, waiting to buy the newest music when it was first released! I remember playing Little League Baseball at the Amvets Field in Middletown (Go Indians!)

I remember going fishing just under a bridge on Sumantown Road, and a car drove over the bridge and threw a bag of newborn cats into the creek. Chris Remsburg and I still refer to that as going fishing for catfish. (Yes, we did rescue the cats, drove them to a vet ... 1 died right away, his family took 1 or 2 of them, and the others were given to other people). I remember very well the 24 hour skate-a-thons at Skatehaven to raise money for the Heart Association. I remember listening to Kemosabi Joe on the radio ... Z-104 (and before that, known as 14-ZYQ!) Also listened to Tommy (the Great Grundune) Grundwell on WFMD. I remember Kemo's legendary line at Skatehaven where he would welcome everyone to "Skaaaaaaatehaaaaaaaaaaven!" I remember Tommy Grundwell on the radio saying he would give away 4 free tickets to a tractor pull or something to the 10th caller, then playing a song, and about 45 seconds into the song, he would interrupt the song and scream into his microphone, "We have a winner, we have a winner, okay people, stop calling, we have a winner!" I remember the "Christmas Cash for Kids" when it was still broadcast from the center of Frederick Towne Mall. 


I remember getting my first drivers license at a fire station behind the old minor league baseball stadium. I still remember the Jefferson Bicentennial celebrations in 1974. I am pretty sure that somewhere I still have one of the wooden nickles they used to give out back then. I remember, as a 10 year old, chasing little girls with garden snakes I would find in the drain underneath Route 340 in Jefferson. I remember shooting my younger sister in the butt with a bb gun! I remember having Mr Wasniewski as a teacher in 5th and 6th grades, then being so excited to find out he was transferring to the new Middletown Middle School when it first opened when I went into 7th grade! I remember a woman who was the vice principal of MMS (although I don't remember her name) who looked just like Daffy Duck. I remember getting into big trouble in 8th grade homeroom for sticking a thumbtac on Mr Hubbs' chair. 

I remember Ron Brigerman and I sitting next to each other in Miss D'Angelo's English class and getting sent to the vice principal's office once a week! 
I remember Fair Friday, when all schools were closed so we could all go to the Frederick County Fair! And the Jefferson and Middletown Carnivals! The smell of fresh country ham! I remember going to Ocean City for a week with Kenny Kotchenreuther during the summer after I graduated. I remember having Mr. Pritts as a principal at Valley Elementary, and all the paddlings I received from him. I remember the summer between my freshman and sophomore years, taking a 4 week cross country trip and seeing most of America! I remember in 7th grade, going to one of Sharon Guyton's parties, and having a crush on her for at least 2 or 3 more years! I remember thinking of her each night as I looked at the Farrah Fawcett poster on my bedroom wall! I remember the huge trouble I got into after that party, because Andy Billotti's mom was late in picking us up and taking us home, and I didn't think to call my Mom to tell her I'd be late. 


I remember, before living on Cherry Lane, living in a trailer behind Sonny Holter's farm on Holter Road. I remember ice skating on the pond next to the trailer. I remember when I was old enough to drive, going to Gapland Road and putting my car in neutral to see if my car would really coast uphill. I remember sitting in Mr. Clark's office (our principal) our senior year, the fire alarm going off, and following him into the secretary's office and hitting the alarm panel because there had been so many false alarms. I remember someone walking into that office, whispering into his ear, and him screaming at everyone in the office to get the hell out of there immediately ... all because a classmate Tony Lewis had blown up the science lab performing a science experiment.


I remember my Kindergarden teacher, Mrs. Grove, and how much I loved nap time! I remember in 6th grade, our whole class going to Camp Greentop for a week to learn more about nature and science. Same thing in 8th grade, at Mar-Lu-Ridge! I remember telling my mom that a pair of my jeans were too short, and asking her to make them into shorts for me. I remember her cutting the wrong pair, and when she found out, she sewed the legs back on and forced me to wear them to school the next day ... those types of weird clothing weren't as normal as they are now, and peer ridicule was pretty rough back then! I remember going with my Father to several of the 1979 World Series Games, and feeling like I was at Disney World!


So with all these memories, why did I ever want to leave the Valley? Perhaps it started when I went on that cross country trip and got to see parts of the rest of America. Perhaps it happened when I went to Atlanta for a VICA club convention, then spent a week with my Dad in Atlanta, and saw how others lived. Perhaps it happened after I graduated and got sent to North Dakota in the Air Force. No matter where it started, sometime, somewhere, I began a craving to get out and explore. And that, I did. I moved to Georgia, and Florida, and Texas, and now, for the past ten years, Ohio. I have been searching most of my life for something, but not sure what. No matter how long I look, I'm not sure I'll ever find it. For a while, I thought it was simply warmer weather. Atlanta wasn't warm enough, so I moved to Florida. Florida was too humid, so I moved further North. I lived in Austin, Texas, and loved the weather, yet could never find my niche in that town. Outside of Maryland, I have found myself most comfortable in Ohio. But even now, after being gone so long, I find myself wanting to return to where I grew up and became who I am today.


Some people may say I am searching for God, but that's not it. I "found" God when I was in Georgia, or should I say, He found me. He was never lost, I was. But even as a Christian, I still find myself not liking myself a lot, much less finding others that liked me. When I was in Middletown, I thought not one person on earth would ever miss me if I was gone ... yet, I was wrong. It's just taken my almost 30 years to realize that.


Yes, I graduated high school nearly 30 years ago, as painful as that is to admit. In October, we will be holding our 30th class reunion. For the first time in my life, I look forward to, and plan on attending a class reunion. I don't have to worry about impressing others, or worrying about my "bald spot", because I now see that Andy Billotti has even less hair than me! Not only is Andy bald, but so is Ron Brigerman, and so is Chris Remsburg! And for that, I am extremely thankful!


My parents are getting older, and some of my former classmates are passing away. As each day passes now, I no longer wonder what else is out there, I wonder what it would be like to go HOME!


Don't get me wrong ... even if I wind up back in Maryland, which I am sure that one day I will, Ohio will always have an extremely large part of my heart! It was because of Ohio that I was able to stop running, and begin to start opening my eyes. It was because of special people in Ohio that were able to accept me, love me unconditionally, and help me realize what a jerk I've actually been most of my life! And Ohio, sweet Ohio ... a sports lovers dream come true! When I was still living in Texas, I made a list of pros and cons before deciding to make the move to Columbus. Couldn't think of many cons at all. One of the biggest pros was this ... Columbus has The Ohio State Buckeyes! Columbus is only 2 hours from Cleveland, 2 hours from Cincinatti, 3 hours from Indy and Detroit ... the fact that it is only 3 hours from Pittsburgh was able to be overlooked. Obviously, since I was in Texas at the time, Columbus being only 6 hours from the Valley was a huge plus as well! I could be much closer, without forcing myself back into a town that I still thought I might be considered a failure. What changed? Facebook. I signed up for my 1st Facebook account back in 2004. And since then, I have been reunited with former classmates that I haven't been in touch with since graduating high school. I now see that all my former female classmates are now more beautiful than ever! I see that all my former male classmates are fatter and balder! Knowing that I can now go to a class reunion and be the best looking guy there has done wonders for my self esteem!