Showing Up To Church With Sense of Expectation

The last time I lived in Georgia, it was in the small town of McDonough, about 40 minutes South of Atlanta. At the time, it was a very small rural town. In the past fifteen years, it has grown mightily ... I would probably not recognize the same town if I were to go visit today. But back in 1997, it would remind you of Mayberry from the Andy Griffith Show.

When I was first transferred to McDonough, one of the first things on my plate was to find a nearby church. I found on a brochure a small Baptist church that had caught my eye. It was advertising the fact that after church, they were going to have a pot luck dinner, AND a riding lawnmower race! Wow, gotta love small country towns! How could I resist!

It was actually a particularly small crowd that morning during the services. The choir sang a few songs, morning announcements were read, then the Pastor stepped up to the pulpit. He stated that due to a lack of God speaking to him that week, he did not have a message. WHAT? He stated that due to a lack of God speaking to him that week, he did not have a message! He then released the congregation, and they all headed outdoors to a picnic area and started to get their lawnmowers ready. Immediately, it began ... you can only imagine ... about 50 people gathered around picnic tables, and the gossip begins! "What is the preacher doing, saying God didn't speak to him!"  "Didn't he have his ears open this week!"  "Oh, the preacher must have been sinning this week!"  And so on and so on.

The afternoon activities went on as normal. Then, at 7 pm Sunday night, in which was usually a very scarcely attended service, about 800 people showed up. Standing room only! You see, the gossip had spread throughout town very quickly. People showed up that night, because they wanted to hear what the preacher was going to say. And wow, did he preach that night! He preached on the topic of "Showing Up To Church With a Sense Of Expectation!"

How often do we show up to church services with an expectation that God is going to speak to us? Do we prepare our hearts to actually hear something while we are there? Or, do we have earplugs in listening to the NFL pregame shows on the radio? Do we show up because in the part of the country you are in, it's culturally expected out of you to be at church? (Many places in the South, you're frowned on if there is a car in your driveway on a Sunday morning!)

Listening to God is like listening to anyone-before you can hear Him, you must be ready to listen. Just as in a conversation, you cannot hear the other person if you are talking or if your mind is distracted. So it is with God. If you want to hear Him speak, you must be quiet and you must be focused on what He is saying.

This doesn't apply just to attending to church services, but in a daily quiet time with Him as well.  But for the purposes of this blog, I am referring to your time at church.  I encourage you strongly, the next time you are getting ready for church, wake up 15 minutes early. Have a prayer time with Him. If you are married with kids, pray with them as well. Ask God to open your ears and hearts, and to prepare you for the message He has for you that week!

"I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart." ... Psalm 40:8

Warning

Everyone that knows me knows that I love bacon. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, or as an inbetween snack, I just love bacon! Everyone keeps warning me that eating so much bacon will lead to an early grave for me. But I keep eating bacon.

Everything in life seems to come with a warning. Too much sun will kill you. Drinking milk will kill you. Drinking coffee will kill you. Eating red meat will kill you. Eating too much sugar will kill you. Eating artificial sweetener will kill you. (So why is there even a need for artificial sweetener?) Recently, I read a humorous warning that stated: "100% of all people who drink water will eventually die!"So what are we to do? Obviously, we want to eat and drink as healthy as possible. But let's face it, we are all going to die. I don't want to sound morbid here, but it's true. We ALL are going to die at some point.

Romans 3:23 warns us that "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." And in Romans 6:23, it adds, "the wages of sin is DEATH ... " ... and in this case, it refers to eternal death, not just the death of our earthly bodies. Fortunately, it adds on in Romans 6:23, " ... the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I am going to die one day. But I am going to live an eternity in Heaven. One of the most memorized verses in scripture says it best ... "For God so loved the world, he gave His only begotten Son, so that those who believe in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life!" ... John 3:16

I am not scared of death because of His promise! But I am not trying to rush God's plans at all. Therefore, perhaps, I should eat less bacon. Sorry, I refuse to eat turkey bacon as was suggested by my doctor once. I haven't been back to see her since she made that recommendation! When your earthly body dies, where do you plan on spending eternity? We only have two choices. Heaven or Hell. 

Visit PLAN OF SALVATION for more information as to how to guarantee your reservation in Heaven!

Plan Of Salvation

(from Billy Graham Evangelical Association, copied from www.billygraham.org)

Do you understand God's plan of salvation? There are certain points we all need to understand about the heart of the Good News of Christ. 

First, all are sinners and stand under the judgment of God. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23, NIV). We might believe that we are good enough to win God's favor or that we can perform certain religious acts to counterbalance our bad deeds. But the Bible states that we are all condemned, for "there is no one righteous, not even one" (Romans 3:10, NIV). 

Second, we need to understand what Christ has done to make our salvation possible. God loves us, and Christ came to make forgiveness and salvation possible. What did He do? He died on the cross as the complete sacrifice for our sins. He took upon Himself the judgment that we deserve. 

Third, we need to respond to God's work. God in His grace offers us the gift of eternal life. But like any gift, it becomes ours only when we take it.

We must repent of our sins. Repentance carries with it the idea of confession, sorrow, turning and changing. We cannot ask forgiveness over and over again for our sins and then return to those sins, expecting God to forgive us. We must turn from our practice of sin as best we know how, and turn by faith to Christ as our Lord and Savior. "It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9, NIV). Christ invites us to come to Him, and God has promised, "to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12, NIV).

Fourth, we must understand the cost of coming to Christ and following Christ. Jesus constantly called upon those who would follow Him to count the cost. A person must determine to leave his sins behind and turn from them. Some people may be unwilling to do so. And there may be other costs as well when we decide to follow Christ. In some cultures, a person who turns to Christ may be disowned by family, alienated from social life, imprisoned or even killed.

The ultimate cost of true discipleship is the cost of renouncing self: self-will, self-plans, self-motivations. Christ is to be Lord of our lives. Jesus declared, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23, NIV). Jesus does not call us to a life of selfish comfort and ease—He calls us to a battle! He calls us to give up our own plans and to follow Him without reserve—even to death.

Yes, it costs to follow Christ. But it also costs not to follow Christ. It cost the Apostle Paul the prestige of a high-level position in the Jewish nation. But he declared, "whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things" (Philippians 3:7-8, NIV). Christ calls men and women not only to trust Him as Savior, but also to follow Him as Lord. 
"We might believe that we are good enough to win God's favor or that we can perform certain religious acts to counterbalance our bad deeds. But the Bible states that we are all condemned, for 'there is no one righteous, not even one.'"
Fifth, salvation is intimately linked to the cross. The man who hung there between two thieves was without sin. His virgin birth, by the miraculous intervention of the Holy Spirit, meant that He did not inherit a sinful human nature. Neither did He commit any sin during His lifetime. Mary gave birth to the only perfect child. He became the only perfect man. As such, He was uniquely qualified to put into action God's plan of salvation for mankind.

Why was Calvary's cross so special, so different from hundreds of other crosses used for Roman executions? It was because on that cross Jesus suffered the punishment for sin that we all deserve. He was our Substitute. He suffered the judgment and condemnation of death that our sinful nature and deeds deserve. "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21, NIV).

Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, "I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified" (1 Corinthians 2:2, NIV). Paul knew there was a built-in power in the cross and the resurrection. 

I remember a meeting early in my ministry when I walked away from where I was preaching, disheartened and disappointed. A businessman who was with me asked me if I knew what was wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it until he told me. "Billy," he said, "you didn't preach the cross!" 

He was right. The message had been theologically sound, and I had preached it as best I knew how. But that vital ingredient was missing. I learned my lesson. From that day to this, I have never preached an evangelistic message without pointing the listeners to the cross. 

Finally, faith is essential for salvation. But we must be absolutely clear on what we mean when we speak of "salvation by faith." There are various kinds of belief or faith, and not all are linked to salvation. In the New Testament, faith means more than intellectual belief. It involves trust and commitment. I may say that I believe a bridge will hold my weight. But I really believe it only when I commit myself to it and walk across it. Saving faith involves an act of commitment and trust, in which I commit my life to Jesus Christ and trust Him alone as my Savior and Lord. 

Let me use a personal example to illustrate this. When I first met Ruth, my future wife, I began to learn things about her—born in China, the daughter of medical missionaries and so on. As time went on, I learned more about her personality and character, and I fell in love with her. But we were not yet married. We became husband and wife only when we took a definite step of commitment to each other on our wedding day.

In the same way, saving faith is a commitment to Jesus as Savior and Lord. It is a personal and individual decision. It is more than assent to historical or theological truth given to us in God's Word. It is faith in the promises of God that all who trust in Christ will not perish but have eternal life. 

That is truly good news.

How to Receive Christ
I hope this message has helped you to understand what Jesus Christ has done to save us and what our response must be. If you are not sure that you are right with God, you can be sure—right now. Remember, we must admit that we are sinners. We must turn away from our sins and to Christ. We must trust Him as our Savior and follow Him as our Lord. God promises that when we do this, He will save us and make us His children, and we will live with Him forever. Will you turn to Christ now?

Helping Those Who Are Different Than Ourselves

Be honest.  Have you ever been walking down a sidewalk in an inner city, seen someone of an opposite race walking towards you, and crossed to the other side of the street to avoid coming close to that person?  Most people, if honest, would tell me, "Yes, but not because of their race, but it was the way they were dressed, or they just looked scary!"  Sorry y'all, but racism is racism.  Most of us have been guilty of this at some point in our lives, but regardless, it still must be dealt with by asking God's forgiveness!  And repenting!

Look at the image at the beginning of this blog post.  What do you see?  What if I were to tell you that these individuals actually formed and work at Second Chance Christian Ministries in Los Angeles, CA?  We judge books by their covers, don't we!

Prejudice comes in many forms.  You can be prejudiced against someone for their skin color.  For their nationality.  For their religious background.  For their sexual orientation.  For the types of clothes they wear. For their age.  WHAT?  I am nice to old people!  Okay, yes you are, but how about towards teenagers?  Today,  it's almost politically correct for people to think of teenagers as second class citizens.  Afterall, they aren't old enough to drink alcohol, they can't vote, and their brains, they're just not developed completely yet!

Scripture looks at teenagers in a different way: "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine." (1 Timothy 4:12-13)

"Their minds just aren't completely developed yet."  Wow.  But yes, I hear that.  I am in my 40's, and I'm here to tell you that my mind is not completely developed yet.  This side of Heaven, my mind will NEVER be completely developed.  Granted, teenagers have had much less time to gain experience, but should we look down on them for that?  I say no.  I say that those with more experience should WANT to take a teenager under their wing, and help mature their mind!  Help them get experience!

I worked with youth in a church setting from the late 80' until the mid 90's.  Definitely an eye opener!  What a diverse group of young people!  We had kids that could recite almost any scripture on demand.  We had kids that had never seen a Bible in their lives!  I noticed that the body of the church would gravitate towards that first group of young people.  They were more comfortable being around them.  But for those of us who are having a few gray hairs already SHOULD be more inclined to want to be around that second group of teenagers.  Talk with them.  Invite them out for a meal.  Find out if they play sports, and if so, go watch one of their games!  Invite them to a sporting event!

Right now, I no longer work with youth on an organized level.  I feel as though God called me to that for a season, and that season has passed.  However, even though I no longer feel that call (and some of us may never have that call), I will still stop and listen to a teenager.

When I first met Jeremy, it was at the Fulton County Courthouse in downtown Columbus, Ohio.  I was sitting in a waiting room, when Jeremy started talking with me.  He was dressed in extremely baggy clothing, looked like he hadn't showered in a month, and smelled about the same!  Please don't talk with me, I first thought under my breath!  But he did.  And I listened.  To this day, I still do not remember the very first part of that conversation.  We talked for about ten minutes, then I went on to do my business I was there for.  When I was ready to leave, I got on to the elevator to head to the ground floor, and lo and behold, Jeremy was on the same elevator.  He followed me outside, and we talked sports.  I admit, I am openly prejudiced against one group of people on this earth!  Pittsburgh Steelers fans!!  I believe it should be illegal for them to marry outside their species!  But during our sports conversation, Jeremy opened up to me that he was a Steelers fan.  I began to walk away from him.  Very quickly walk away!  But he followed me the two blocks back to the parking garage.  What does he want?  I have no money!  Is he going to try to mug me?  No, he just wanted to talk, and wanted someone to listen.  So, we got back to the parking garage, I let the tailgate down on my pickup truck, and we sat there for three hours.  Jeremy opened up and shared with my his life's story.  He didn't want my money.  He just wanted someone to listen.  And that I did.  

Jeremy was 18 years old.  He lived in a tent under a bridge near the courthouse.  His older brother, and his grandfather were both in prison.  He was leading a lifestyle in which he was headed there himself one day.  Most likely sooner than later.  The more he opened up, the more I realized just how much God has blessed me in my life.  I began to think back and realize that although I had been close to being  homeless myself a number of times, God had always found a way to keep me warm and a roof over my head.  After conversing for several hours, I gave Jeremy my cell phone number, with a promise I would come back and take him out to eat at a McDonalds or something sometime soon.

I did.  More often than not, we would meet at the Columbus Library Main Branch on Grant Avenue (not the best part of town.)  We would meet about once a week and we'd go eat.  Then, September of last year, something amazing happened.  I had planned on spending the third weekend of September in Cleveland, OH, as an annual ritual for a birthday weekend getaway, and would meet up with two of my friends and it was all about the Cleveland Browns.  This time, I was experiencing car issues, and funds were tighter than previous years, and gas prices were skyrocketing.  So, I decided to take Greyhound.  I was sitting in the Greyhound Station downtown.  I was there a couple hours early because I had never done that before.  Didn't know what to expect.  Lo and behold, Jeremy shows up and finds me.  Not to go with me (he hates the Browns, remember!)  He showed up, because he wanted to spend a little time with me before I left, and to give me a birthday card.  He wanted nothing in return, other than a simple promise that I would return soon, and it wouldn't be a one way trip!

A couple of weeks later, Jeremy was pinned to the ground by some gang members who were trying to kill him, all because of an argument earlier that day about loud music.  It was that night that I told Jeremy to get in my truck and come back to the suburbs with me.  I laid out some ground rules that he had to be 100% drug and alcohol free.  And that he had to get a job, and pitch in around the house with chores, etc.  This was an 18 year old kid, there was no way he would agree to this.  But he did agree, and he has lived up to his end of the bargain.

It hasn't been easy at all.  The best things in life aren't easy.  But I've done my best to obey God.  Ironically, it was because of Jeremy that after about a decade long absence, I have been drawn back into the body of Christ by attending a local church.  My relationship with God is now better than it's ever been before.  Being around Jeremy for an extended period has caused me to pray without ceasing.  And the more one prays, the more God turns on certain lights and directs one in the path they should follow.  I first took Jeremy with me to Cypress because I wanted to be a "good example."  He was blessed.  God is definitely working in his life right now!  He is not perfect, but neither am I.  None of us are.  But we are at the point to when he does something wrong, he is honest with me about it.  We talk about it, pray over it, and deal with it..

I have shared this story with several people already, and each time, the responses have been the same.  "Mark, you are a saint."  Let me make something perfectly clear:  I am NOT a saint.  I am a struggling guy who is just trying my best to do the right thing.  My income is about ten percent of what it was just five years ago.  I have issues I am trying to work on in my life.  I want to be right with God.  I have a part time job in a place where I have developed a reputation of being  "the grouchy old man."  I am doing my very best to change that to where people no longer see me, but see Christ in me!  It's not the easiest thing.  But I am trying.  Jeremy is not perfect either, but the reason I have not given up on him is because I see him making an honest effort.  God does not expect perfection from any of us.  He just wants to see us trying.

In all honesty, I am guilty of being prejudiced!  Prior to knowing Jeremy, I walked to the other side of the street when I saw homeless people.  But now, any time I go downtown, I look at the homeless population differently.  I am not financially able to help them all out.  But I no longer run away from them either.  It's true that not all of the homeless truly want help.  They might tell you they are hungry and ask for money, so you offer to treat them to a meal and they laugh and walk away, when in reality they just wanted the money for drugs.  But that is a small percentage.  Most of them are good people.

Offer to help serve a meal at a homeless shelter or mission in your neighborhood.  Some of you already have.  To others, I encourage you to do so.  But go in with blind eyes and an open heart.  Do more listening than talking!  I assure you, God WILL speak to you, and will bless you as a result!

"What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds." ... James 2:14-18

"Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses." ... Proverbs 28:27

Where Everyone Knows Your Name

"Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name." ... Psalm 91:14

"A good name is more desirable than great wealth. Respect is better than silver or gold." ... Proverbs 22:1

As you all know by now, Jeremy and I first attended Cypress Wesleyan Church on Easter Sunday. Prior to visiting the church, I did my homework, and checked out the church's website. I also looked at their Facebook page and Twitter page. I was, and still am, impressed with how the church is using social media as a form of outreach. Hey, in my case, it worked!

When Jeremy and I were leaving church on Easter, we ran into Cypress's Worship Leader, Mark Wilson. Mark asked me, "You are Mark Beavers, right?" I was intrigued as to how he knew my name. He saw a post I had made on Facebook, and as a result, he remembered my name to my face. Pretty cool.

Fast forward three weeks. Jeremy went with me for his second visit to the church, to hear former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett share his testimony. After the service was over, I received a tweet on Twitter from Mark. In it, he said he was glad to see me and Jeremy that morning. Jeremy saw the tweet to me, and immediately asked, "How in the world does he remember my name? I've only been there once before!" I explained some people just have great memories, and Mark must be one of them! But it super impressed Jeremy to the point to where he has the utmost of respect for Mark as a result! Jeremy says he may never have the musical talents and gifts that Mark has, but he is going to do what he can to be like Mark and remember names better!

I shared in my last post a short story about former Cleveland Browns coach Sam Rutigliano. I had met Coach Sam in 2005. I had called him twice, and made arrangements for him to do an autograph signing in Columbus. We spent two hours together in a hectic atmosphere, and then went our separate ways. Three years later, a friend and I were walking through the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio, when Coach Sam walks out of an office, sees me, and cheerfully greets me by name. "Mark Beavers! It's so good to see you!" Wow! First of all, I figured as many people as Coach Sam has met over the years, he would never remember my name. But he did! And he used my name in his greetings. That would make anyone feel special.

Our own names are one of the most important things we ever hear in life. We train ourselves over the years to drown out certain noises. How many times, though, have you heard someone call out your name, and you turn around to only find out they were calling someone else. Awkward feeling at times. But if that same person called out someone else's name, we would just continue walking as though we didn't hear anything. We tune it out, figuring it was not important to us.

In marketing, successful sales teams know the importance of using a person's name in conversation. Using the person's name acknowledges their identity, massaging their ego and hence boosting their self-esteem. Just by recognizing that they exist, you have done them a great favor (which of course means they now owe you...).

Have you ever met someone on numerous occasions, and each time they see you, they don't seem to remember your name? Perhaps they recognize you, but they just can't seem to recall a name? That has happened to me with ex-girlfriends before. Trust me, that doesn't go over well! It sends a signal to the person that they are of non-importance to you.

There was a story that made it rounds throughout the internet about six months ago, which may be true, and may not be. It was intended to be humorous. But I am going to share it (paraphrased) to make a point. There was a US soldier, stationed in Afghanistan. He received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. She wanted her picture back from him. He thought about this, then decided to go to his fellow soldiers, and collect a whole box of old pictures from others. He then shipped her the box, with a note that stated, "Yes, you can have your picture back. I just don't remember which one is yours. So feel free to take a look at these and see if you can find yours." He obviously knew, but figured this would be the ultimate insult back to her.

So, if you are at all like me, you struggle to remember people's first names. Here is a list of five little techniques I found online that may help:

1 .  Pay attention.

Obvious, right? You’d be amazed at how little attention we pay to the person we are meeting. Be present in the moment and listen when your new acquaintance says her name. Clear your mind and focus on her – not on what you’re going to say next.

2.   Repeat the new name. Say it right back to the person.

John: Hi, my name is John. You: John, nice to meet you.

Then, try to use the name two more times before parting. An excellent way to commit a name to memory is to introduce the person to one or two others.

3.  Ask for the spelling.

If the name is not familiar to you – foreign or otherwise unique – get its spelling to reinforce your understanding and to confirm you have heard the name correctly.

Many people are hesitant about asking for the spelling or just asking the person to say his name again. Don’t be. People like it when you take an interest in them, and they’re happy to repeat their name if it means you’re actually going to remember it (and use it in the future).

Some people have heavy accents, and some have really unusual names. These people often have their names forgotten or mistaken. Imagine the impression you’ll make when you take the time to truly understand their name, get the pronunciation correct and remember it.

4.  Pick out distinctive features.

When you meet someone, spend time looking at their face, and pick out a distinctive feature. Notice a crooked nose, puppy dog eyes, a cleft chin, big ears, yellow teeth etc. If possible, pick out the feature before you’re introduced so you’re not struggling to find one while the person is giving you his name.

When you focus on the particular feature, your brain naturally associates it with the name. This will take a little time, so begin by studying people on the street, in restaurants, on the subway etc. With practice you will train your brain to automatically pick out the outstanding feature of each face.

Note:Make sure you use permanent features and stay away from things like hair color, glasses, braces and things that may change over time.

5.  Associate the name with a famous person.

Another way to remember names is to associate them with famous people. If you meet Al, think of Al Capone, the Chicago mob boss. If you meet Jennifer, think of Jennifer Aniston. But don’t stop there. In order for the name to stick, you need to associate it with an action.

Picture your new client, Jennifer, sitting on the coffee house couch with Ross (from the T.V. show Friends). She goes to take a sip of her coffee when it slips out of her hand and spills all over Ross’s new white pants. Make the picture as vivid as possible.(Smell the aroma from the coffee, and see the steam coming out of the cup. Picture a huge brown coffee stain on Ross’s pants.) Now each time you see Jennifer, you’ll recall the image and her name.I am not guaranteeing that these methods will work for you (not even sure if they'll work for me.) But I'm willing to give it a try!


"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine." ... Isaiah 43:1

"And the Lord said to Moses, “This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.” ... Exodus 33:17

Coach Sam

From 2003 through 2008, I was truly blessed in getting to meet and know over 100 former and current Cleveland Browns and/or Ohio State Buckeyes football players. Most of these were when I would bring in former players to sign autographs to raise money for different Central Ohio children's charities. I was recently asked which player made the biggest impact on me personally. After thinking about that question for several days, I must say there were several. One of them wasn't actually a player per se, but former Cleveland Browns coach Sam Rutigiliano is a man that I still deeply admire. 

"Coach Sam" is a man of God who has a very powerful testimony. His life was permanently changed during his college career when he was moving from one college to another, driving his VW Bug, when he fell asleep at the wheel, rolled down an embankment and his three year old daughter was killed as a result. It was then that he began his search for answers from God as to "WHY?" It wasn't long after that He accepted the Lord as his Saviour, and has been a Christian ever since. 

 He was the first coach in the NFL (before league wide rules were established in the matter) to develop an anti drug policy. If a player tested positive for a drug, he would give the player two choices. Either get rehabilitation (at team expense), or get cut from the team. If the same player tested positive a second time, he was then cut from the team period. Coach Sam called this his "tough love" policy.

Coach Sam also has an incredible memory.  I had been in phone contact with him through several calls, and spent the afternoon with him for just one Sunday afternoon during football season of the 2005 season.  Several years later, in 2008, my friend Ricky Perk and I were in Canton, OH at the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  We were walking down one of the many halls, when a door opened from an office, and just as we walked past, Coach Sam walked into a hallway directly behind us.  I hear someone call out, "Mark Beavers!"  I turned around and saw Coach Sam.  I was speechless at first, amazed that he actually remembered my name.  He was apparently at the Hall of Fame to speak to a group in attendance that day.

I introduced him to Ricky that day, and he looked Ricky straight in his eyes and told him, "No matter what you do, do your very best!  If you don't know Him already, get to know Jesus!"

I've run into Coach Sam a couple of times since then.  It's usually been at Cleveland Browns Stadium, where he remains a faithful fan (despite the way the former owner treated him.)  And each time I see him, he greets me with a hearty handshake and tells me how glad he is to see me again.  And each time, he remembers my name.

Dealing With Change

Many work places have a motto: "If you don't like the way we do things, stick around long enough. It'll change!" Change is an inevitable part of life. We change teachers. We change bosses. We change jobs. We change internet carriers. Football teams change their starting quarterbacks. Steelers bandwagon fans change team loyalties. Life goes on.

But for some of us, dealing with change is not a simple matter. Author / pastor Rick Warren states it this way: "We can't grow without change. We can't change without letting go. We can't let go without some loss, and that brings grief."

Recently, I walked out onto my back porch, and Jeremy was there working on repainting his bicycle. He looked up at me, and just blurted out, "You know what Mark? Change sucks! I hate change!" I asked him why, and it had to do with the fact that there were things changing at work. He has been working at his job for six months, finally gotten into a comfortable routine, and boom, certain things he's always known in the job has changed. It drives him crazy.

Back when I worked for JPMorgan Chase, I could definitely identify with Jeremy's frustrations at his job. Just when I would get credit card laws memorized like the back of my hand, either the government would change the laws, or the bank would change the rules for the sake of changing them. It was no surprise that in an office building of nearly 3,000 employees, nearly every desk had at least one bottle of Tylenol.

But what does God have to say about change? Actually, it doesn't seem to find change neither good nor bad. It does, thankfully, point out a characteristic of Christ in Malachi 15:51 which says, "For I am the Lord, I change not ..."

That is probably what attracts many of us to Christ. His consistency.

I once heard someone make the comment, "A son will respect a consistent  alcoholic father more so than an inconsistent Christian father."

Not a father, but I can see the point of that statement. Madeline Levine, a clinician, consultant and the author, most recently, of “Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success” claims that children thrive best in an environment that is reliable, available, and consistent.

So, is change good or bad? In Christ, consistency is good! But in our lives, we need to change at times in order to grow. We need to be consistent in our love for our God and our families. We need to change, though, when we are doing wrong and need to improve our lives. When a business finds a better way of doing business, things should change.

How do I deal with change? Easiest answer I can come up with may be simplistic, but here it is: pray. If you're having a hard time dealing with particular changes, ask God to open up your heart to new ideas. Perhaps if you are dealing with change at the office, talk with your boss and ask questions (obviously in a respectful manner.) Sometimes the reason change it hard to deal with is because we don't know all the reasons why the change was made in the first place. When a boss tells Jeremy, "we changed this, now do it this way," it may not settle well with him. But when the same boss says, "Jeremy, we changed this, and the reason is so that the cooks and/or waiters/waitresses can serve a better meal", he will surely take change in a more positive manner.

One last thought is this: when Jeremy first came to live with me last year, I knew up front he was a Steelers fan. I DESPISED that major flaw in his character! He asked me just after moving in, "are you going to try to change me into a Browns fan?" My answer, as painful as it is to admit, was, "no. BUT if you are going to call yourself a Steelers fan, I am going to hold you to that. No waffling from team to team depending on which team is doing better in a particular year. I want you to learn the Steelers roster, I want you to learn their history, and be a real fan." What I wanted to see in him was consistency. And that, he has done. However, when he moved in, there were other things that I did strongly advise him to change. I won't get into the details, but I am proud to share that he is 100% drug and alcohol free, and he has kept the same job the entire time he's lived here. So yes, change sometimes stinks. But sometimes, change is good!

Maurice Clarett

Tonight, I had the privilege and honor of seeing and hearing Maurice Clarett share his personal testimony at Cypress Wesleyan Church in Galloway, Ohio.  It was a Saturday night service, and was standing room only.  According to Pastor Ken Murphy, this was the first time he has ever seen people lined up an hour and a half before a service with the exception of Christmas Eve Services.  I haven't heard the official tally yet, but there must have been at least 2,000 people in attendance!  Don't get me wrong ... numbers are not the important thing here.  What WAS important, though, is that there was that large of a number of people to hear God speak through Maurice tonight!

We have all gone through ups and downs in our lives.  Maurice was an All-American high school football player before becoming an instant legend at The Ohio State University, and was very instrumental on the 2002 National Championship Team!  But he didn't know Jesus.  His life quickly crumbled around him, and the next thing he knew, he was about to spend three and a  half years in prison.  It was there, where the warden had a special heart for him, and placed him in a cell where he knew he could be ministered to.  Long story short, Maurice has accepted Jesus as his personal Saviour, and is now leading a life that is centered around Christ.  For that, I shout, "Hallelujah!"

It was extremely evident and touching tonight to see just how open and honest Maurice was being.  He admits that life still isn't easy.  God never promised us "easy", but He did promise to make all things possible through Him!

"I no longer wanted to live the life of a hypocrite. I knew I was living in sin." ... (Maurice Clarett)

There were times of humor as well.  Pastor Ken said to Maurice, "You had a pretty good first year (with the Buckeyes.)  Maurice's reply:  "Yeah, it was alright!"

I had the opportunity after the service to spend about five minutes with Maurice and express my heartfelt appreciation to him.  We spoke about a couple of topics, but had to close it out pretty quick due to long lines of people waiting to get their pictures with him.

Maurice Clarett, on behalf of everyone in attendance tonight, and on behalf of Christians worldwide, and I'm sure on behalf of angels in Heaven above, please know that we are all rejoicing at how God is working through you! 

Update:  (4/21/13, 5:00 pm)
This past week, I asked Jeremy several times if he wanted to go to church to hear Maurice Clarett speak.  His answer each time was no.  While I was at church Saturday night, I had Maurice autograph an old Sports Illustrated, and personalized it to Jeremy.  When I brought it home and gave it to him, he was ecstatic!  He then begged me to drive him to church this morning (Sunday).  We had to wake up extremely early (7 AM is extremely early for us!)  We were at church by 7:45.  Wanted to get there super early, since last night's service was super packed ... wanted to be sure we could get a good seat!

Once again, I was truly blessed this morning.  But so was Jeremy!  Jeremy thought Maurice's testimony was "cool."  But surprisingly, he was even MORE impressed with a different part of the service.  Worship music!  I looked over at him when the worship team was performing the song, "I Am Redeemed."  He had a tear in his eye!  Immediately, he leaned over towards me and whispered, "I gotta get that song!"

   

Congratulations Boston Police and Rescue Workers!

My hat is off to all Boston Police, Watertown Police, Cambridge Police, FBI, and all other law enforcement agencies (as well as rescue workers) for the apprehension of the 19 year old terrorism suspect! Job well done! Congratulations!

How Do I Want To Be Remembered?

It's a crazy, crazy, crazy world we live in. The news being broadcast from Boston today has been surreal. Pictures of the two suspects from the Boston Marathon bombings have been on every network station. One dead, one at large. As comedian Adam Sandler tweeted earlier today, "If this were Grand Theft Auto, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev would definitely have 6 stars right now."  As Jeremy and I were watching the TV earlier today, he commented just how much the news reminded him of the movie, "The Siege", with Denzel Washington and Bruce Willis.  There are a lot of similarities!  Kudos to the Boston Police Department and the FBI for their hard work and speed to which they were able to sift through so much evidence and determined who did this so quickly!

What really gets me thinking a lot is when the media starts talking about the victims. The young boy that was killed in the bombings, I believe he was like 6 or 7 years old. Senseless! Tragedy! Anytime you hear of any murder on television period, when friends of the murdered are interviewed, you always hear the same description of the victim. "They were upstanding citizens." "They were Sunday School teachers." "They were loved by all." "They always had a smile on their face." And I truly understand wanting to remember the good in people when they are gone. I respect that. But the inquisitive part of my brain always seems to ask, "Oh really?" Not speaking of the Boston Bombings murders here, but in general. A 29 year old man gets killed in a drive by shooting. His neighbors claim he was an upstanding citizen that never met anyone he didn't like. I often wonder, "Oh really? Isn't he the same guy who flipped me the bird in traffic last week?" I'm not saying that is always the case, but it is enough to make me wonder at times.

But it's also got me thinking, "How do I want people to remember me as when I'm gone?" I have a friend, Scott Miller, whom I've known since the mid 1980's.  He was a youth pastor at the time, in Marietta, Georgia. He is now the head pastor of a Baptist Church in Jeffersonville, Kentucky. I will never forget one time when he was asked the question, "What would you want written on your tombstone?" He reply was real simple, yet real honest. "A Man Who Followed Jesus Christ."

Am I living a life that would say the same?  Is that how people would really remember me?  In all honesty, the first thing people tend to say about me is that I am the one who is most fanatical about The Ohio State Buckeyes and the Cleveland Browns.  But to those that don't know me, do they see Jesus Christ in me?  I really don't believe they do.  Occasionally people may see something in me that makes them believe I am most likely a Christian.  But do they consistently see Christ in me?  I seriously doubt it.

So what do I do about it?  It's time to get into shape.  Time to go to the gym.  I am not talking about losing 30 pounds (which I seriously need to do!)  I am referring to God's Gym.  I am talking about getting serious with getting into reading His Word on a daily basis.  More disciplined on having a meaningful daily prayer time with Him.  I am talking about having my mind transformed to where only pure thoughts are dwelled on within my mind.  There is an old adage of "Garbage In, Garbage Out."  I need to fill my mind with the thoughts of our God!  I need to get disciplined to the point to where I can walk away from situations that are not pleasing to God, and make my walk a walk that would be pleasing to Him.

Some will tell me that I don't need to be concerned with what others think of me.  I don't believe that is what God wants.  I believe He wants us to walk a path that will shine His light onto this dark world.  Some people will call us nuts.  But that's okay.  During Jesus' walk on Earth, people called him nuts as well!

Max Lucado, in his book "Be Like Jesus" asks the question, "What would this world be like if there were no Christians?"  The first image that enters my mind in reply to that question is the image I've been seeing on TV for the past few days.  People running aimlessly through the streets, screaming and crying.

"Dear Lord, praise you for being a Perfect God!  Thank you for your love!  Please continue to shape me and mold me more into Your image!  I pray this is in the name of Jesus!  Amen."

Getting An "A" in God's Classroom

When I was young, I had a Brooks Robinson poster on my wall. I wanted to be able to bat and throw just like him. I tried, I just lacked the natural talent, and the motivation to train hard enough. I also remember anytime I would watch the TV show "Six Million Dollar Man," I would be transformed inside, and was confident I could go outside and jump off the roof to our house, and no doubt I could run a mile in just seconds. But it never happened. I think I did jump off the roof a couple times, but on an end of the house that was much closer to the ground than the other. Of course, in those days, bumps and bruises were the norm. Not sure I ever knew anyone who wore a bicycle helmet. Not sure they even existed back then!

"Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked." 1 John 2:6

The Bible tells us we are to be more like Christ. How can that be? He was sinless, yet we are full of sin. Is it even possible to go 24 hours straight being exactly like Him? All I can say is that in my life, I doubt it. But why is that? Do I lack the natural talent? Or do I lack the motivation to train hard enough? I believe we ALL have the natural talent to be more like Christ. He loved us enough to die on the cross for us. He wants us to be more like Him. If that wasn't possible, He wouldn't have asked us to do so. Lack of motivation? Yeah, that pretty much sums it up for most of us, to varying degrees.

Several times in my life, I felt like I was really on the right road. Then my life began to crumble around me. I immediately blamed God, and took a step back (or many steps, or sometimes, many miles back.) I felt like the closer I became in my walk with God, the more I would be attacked with different situations. I was scared. But I was also wrong. I blamed God, yet in hindsight, most, if not all, troubles in my life were caused by just one person ... and that one person was ME!

In 11th grade of high school, I came dangerously close to failing English class. If I failed that one class, I would have been forced to be held back and repeat my whole 11th grade year. The decision on whether or not I would fail or pass was not determined until the last day of school. It all depended on a project I had to do before the whole class on an author. My author was John Steinbeck. Being scared of failing, I busted my tail on that project. A large part of the grade was determined on creativity on how the project was presented to the class. With the help of some of my close friends of that time, I did the following. I had the entire class report to the school auditorium. I was on the stage, with props, acting. I acted as though I was a radio disc jockey, and was playing, very loudly, some popular music of that era. I believe the song playing when they all walked in was "Bette Davis Eyes." Once everyone was seated, I interrupted regular programming with an announcement that a UFO had just landed on earth, and immediately, I went to the scene. As the doors to the UFO opened, out came John Steinbeck (I think it was my friend Kenny who played the part.) He explained that this UFO was actually a time machine, and he was sent into the future. For the next half hour, I interviewed "Steinbeck," and presented the needed information to the class in that format. I waited until after school was over and went to Miss D'Angelo's classroom. I needed a 95% or higher on that project to be able to pass the 11th grade. But she was a tough grader. Other projects I found to be fascinating would receive grades in the 80's, and I couldn't figure out why she had been such a tough grader. After watching me sweat for several minutes, she finally told me that I received a 102 grade on my project, which was the highest grade given to anyone the entire year. To this day, I still don't know if I deserved that grade, or if she just felt sorry for me and didn't want to have to deal with me again the following year. I had been a lazy student, not doing my homework, cheating on tests (yet still failing), sort of a class clown. But I passed. With a promise of "I WILL do better next year!"

Fortunately for us all, God does not make us sweat it out. He gives us the answers up front. And all of our tests are open-book tests! But obeying what is written in the Word is often very difficult. It isn't that we don't have the ability to follow His commands. It is difficult because, quite frankly, we have become lazy. We don't want to do our homework. We don't want to do our class projects. We want to follow our own syllabus instead of His.  Getting an A in Miss D'Angelo's class was very difficult, but not impossible.  If I had been more disciplined, it wouldn't have been so difficult for me.  Although I disliked that teacher with a passion, she was, no doubt, an excellent teacher.  But Jesus was and is an even better teacher.  I want to learn from Him.  Most Christians do.  Then I need to open my Bible and read what He has to say!  I want Him to tutor me!  I want to hear what He has to say.  I need to pray, with more of a focus on listening to Him than speaking to Him.

Here's the really super cool news:  to all those who have accepted Him, God has already promised us an A!  

Am I Doing What God Wants Me To Do?

There are two keys to knowing God's will for a given situation:

1.  Make sure what you are asking for or considering doing is not forbidden by the Bible.

2.  Make sure what you are asking for or considering doing will glorify God and help you grow spiritually.

If these two things are true and God is still not giving you what you are asking, then it is likely not God's will for you to have what you are asking for. Or, you need to wait just a little longer for God to give it to you.  God ALWAYS answers our prayers.  Sometimes His answer is "yes."  Sometimes His answer is "no."  But the hardest sometimes is his third answer, and that is "Yes, just not quite yet."  

People want God to tell them specifically what to do.  Where to work.  Where to live.  Whom to marry.  But God rarely gives people information that direct and specific.  He allows us to make those decisions on our own.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is: His good, pleasing, and perfect will." ... Romans 12:2

God does not want us to make a decision to sin or resist His will.  God wants us to make decisions that are in agreement with His will.  So, how do we know what God's will is?  If we are walking closely with the Lord and truly desiring His will in our lives, God will place His desires in our hearts.  The key is wanting God's will, not our own.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." ... Psalms 37:4

If the Bible does not speak against it, and it can genuinely benefit you spiritually, then the Bible gives you permission to make decisions and to follow your heart.  If you truly seek God's will with a humble spirit and an open mind, He will reveal His will to you!

Friendship and Accountability

Mark Beavers (left), Chris Harto (right)
Best Man and Groom, just before Chris's wedding, in front of The Ohio State Horseshoe

Over and over in Scripture, the Word talks about just how important relationships are in our lives. I am not talking about sexual relationships here, but friendships.

"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." ... John 15:12-15

"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." ... Romans 12:10

This past week, the subject of friendship and accountability has been brought up numerous times in my life, believing God is telling me that this subject is important, and for me to listen up. It began with a sermon this weekend at Cypress Wesleyan Church, where I have been attending the past several weeks. And now, the subject is coming up over and over in a book I'm now reading called, "Just Like Jesus" by Max Lucado.

Actually, in hindsight, I might say that I have been burdened with the subject for more than several weeks now. As soon as I first started attending Cypress, one of the very first opportunities I sought out was finding a Men's Bible Study / Prayer Group. Why was this so important to me? For several reasons. First of all, to find a group of men that I could pray with, and study His Word. Also, to find a group of men that I could hold myself accountable to. Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to find this group. On Wednesday mornings, there is a group started up by Barry Hines, one of the staff members of Cypress, and it meets at a restaurant not far from my home. So far, I've attended once, and it was mainly a time of making connections for me. Being faithful and attending these meetings regularly will allow myself to open up, to trust, and to be honest with others as well as myself.

For the past six months, I have been involved with helping another person in need. Most of you are already aware of this story. But by helping this person, I have found myself drained spiritually and emotionally more often than not. God is better than any gas station out there, because He can refuel us for free! How does God refuel us, you ask? In several ways. We get refueled by reading Scripture. We get refueled by praying. But we also get refueled by receiving encouragement by those that we are close to. The third can be a bit tricky, though. What happens if we put gas in a diesel engine? Obviously, it's damaging. Receiving the wrong type of encouragement by those who are not walking with God can result in some damage as well. Therefore, it's important to find a group of Christian, Godly friends who will be there for you, pray for and with you, and to hold you accountable.

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." ... Proverbs 27:17

If you are a Christian, I strongly encourage you to find a small group of people that you can connect with. A group that you can fellowship with, pray with, study the Word together with. Maybe it is a Sunday School class group. Maybe it's a group of Christians that you know from school, the gym, or elsewhere. If you don't know of any groups, call your church and ask them! If you still can't find any, start one of your own!

God did not put us on this Earth to walk alone. He wants us to be there for one another.

"There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is meaningless — a miserable business! Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." ... Ecclesiastes 4:8-12

Praying for Boston

Yesterday, like many others, I found myself being glued to the television watching events unfold in Boston, Massachusetts. Looking for answers, but ending with more questions than anything.

WHY would someone purposely plant (at least) two bombs in a crowded area, killing two and injuring at least 140 others? Was this an international terrorist act, or the actions of a homegrown terrorist?

Because of just how fast news spreads with 24 hour cable news, internet, and social media, many stories were coming out so fast that truth seemed to take a back seat at times. A third bomb went off at the JFK Library. No, it was just a fire there. Well, maybe yes, maybe no. The terrorist has been captured and is in the hospital. A 20 year old Saudi National Muslim. Well, maybe he did it, maybe he didn't. No, he's just a person of interest, a possible witness. The real terrorist is a white man seen carrying 20 backpacks into the area shortly before the race began. Really? A white man carrying 20 backpacks? Most people would struggle to carry one or two, but 20?

Hopefully, whoever is responsible for this act of terror will be caught and brought to justice. Many are already saying that will be the first step in the healing process. But I've got a secret to share with anyone willing to listen. Justice, although a definite goal, does not and should not have to be the first step in a healing process. Fine, okay Mr Know-it-all, what should we do to start healing from our pain? It's simple. Just get on two knees and start to pray. Talk with God. Listen to God. Have a conversation. Ask Him for healing and comfort. He'll give it. But remember, don't just talk, listen as well. Listening to God is the most important part of prayer.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." ... 2 Chronicles 7:14.

Unsinkable: Don't Go Down With The Ship (Week 2)

Wow, Cypress continues to just amaze me! Went to a Saturday night service this week, due to other commitments tomorrow morning. It was week 2 of the Pastor's "Unsinkable: Don't Go Down With The Ship" message. First of all, I was shocked at just how full the crowd was for a Saturday night service! Also, God spoke directly to me tonight in the area of "relationships". I am truly blessed to have a small handful of people in my life that I know I can call at 3 in the morning if ever needed. (And no doubt they would do the same!) I was also convicted as to why "J" is in my life right now. I always thought it was because he needed me, or what I had to offer. But no ... now I realize that I am the one who needed this unique relationship in my life. (OR ... most likely, we BOTH needed this right now.) But as for me, I can honestly say that I am the one being blessed. However ... this season shall soon come to an end ... IF I don't get certain things in my life right with God. Prayers sought, please! Thanks!

I Don't Want To Sink With The Ship

On Easter Sunday, I attended Cypress Wesleyan Church, in Galloway, Ohio, for the first time.  I attended again the next Sunday, and plan on going on a regular basis.  I say this, because the Pastor, Ken Murphy, is currently preaching a series entitled, "Unsinkable: Don't Go Down With The Ship."  On April 20 and 21, former Ohio State Buckeye Maurice Clarett will be speaking.  I've met Maurice once, right before his life seemed to start to unravel.  I followed Maurice's blogs when he was in prison, and continued to keep him in prayer over the past several years.  Now, he has become refocused and seems to have his priorities straight.  That includes God first, then family, then everything else.  Praise God!

But selfishly (in a good way), I have been examining my own life.  Where am I?  Why am I here?  Am I doing what God wants me to do?  Am I even right with God?

Almost six months ago, Jeremy came roaring into my life, in ways I can't even begin to explain.  I don't want to share all of his personal life on this blog, but I do feel safe sharing the following.  Jeremy was an 18 year old living in a tent under a bridge.  I would meet up with him about once a week or so, and offer food and any other service I was able to provide.  On October 4th of 2012, I was sitting at home when an overwhelming bad gut feeling entered into me.  No doubt it was God speaking to me.  I felt led to leave my home and drive very fast to where he had been living.  Just before I arrived, he had been pinned to the ground by some thugs who were trying to kill him.  Without hesitation, I asked Jeremy to pack up his belongings and return to the suburbs with me.  He did.  I laid down some basic ground rules, such as getting a job, being drug and alcohol free, etc, etc.

It is now April of 2013.  Jeremy is still staying with me in my home.  He continues to be drug and alcohol free.  He continues to work as a busboy in a nearby restaurant.  He continues to struggle with certain issues, but don't we all.  

I did NOT take Jeremy out of the gutter in order to be a "saint."  I did it out of friendship.  I did it because God was telling me to do it.

Jeremy, left, and Mark, right

In the past six months or so, I have become a new person.   Sometimes, I feel like my heart has become more hardened, though.  To be completely honest, there are times I become bitter.  I feel like I have lost a lot of my "freedom."  I can't make a decision in life without having to consider how that decision will affect "the kid."  Yes, that sounds selfish.  It is selfish.  But it's a side effect I've been having to deal with.  I know for a fact that he is trying hard to get ahead financially so he can find a place of his own.  But the economy is rough.  Financially, it's been very rough for both of us.

And there have been other issues.  It's difficult living AND working with someone in small close quarters.  Tempers have flared a number of times, although that has been gradually getting better.  But it still happens.  In desperation, I cry out to God many times, "I can't handle this anymore!!!"  God consistently reminds me that "I can do all things in Him who gives me strength."  (Phil 4:13).  

I don't want to "sink with the ship".  God has a book full of warnings on how to survive.  He has a blueprint so that we don't use faulty nuts and bolts when building our ship.  I want to re-commit my life to Christ.  I'm just scared.  Reasons for that will come in a future blog.  But for now, let's just say that I am trying to do the right thing.  God knows I try.  I just wonder often just how disappointed God is in me for not trying hard enough.

(For the record, don't confuse my "works" with any doubts of salvation.  I am saved through the blood of Christ, not on what I do or don't do for Him.  But because I am saved, and He gave His only Son to die on the cross for me, I want to give my WHOLE life back to him.  I just feel like I'm shortchanging God.  I owe Him so much more!)